Ten Things I Will Always Find Funny About Old Movies

dvdsA couple days ago, I once again enjoyed Howard Hawks’ 1959 western Rio Bravo, in which John Wayne plays sheriff John T. Chance, who is trying to keep a gang of thugs from running roughshod all over his dinky little town, while only having help from an alcoholic named Dude played by Dean Martin and a cripple named Stumpy played by Walter Brennan. There’s so much to like about the movie; the budding romance between an awkward and possibly virginal John T. Chance and the super hot gambling huckster babe Feathers (Angela Dickinson); Dean Martin’s struggle with the bottle; the comic relief from Stumpy; the gun slinging action; baby faced Ricky Nelson proving his chops to the older guys… what a GREAT movie, right?

Well, yeah, except if you’re not used to watching these kinds of movies. For one thing, at two hours and twenty minutes, Rio Bravo doesn’t exactly BREEZE by. On top of that, for being a western, it’s actually pretty low on action. It’s a CHARACTER driven movie, rather than one based upon a lot of fast paced gun play. Thirdly, I can picture young people finding Ricky Nelson incredibly annoying with his “yes sir”/”no sir”/”gee wiz sir” persona. Okay he doesn’t say “gee wiz”, but he does look like an overly wholesome little boy, not a rough and tumble gunslinger. And fourth, you have to suspend your disbelief since nobody bleeds when they get shot, and John Wayne gets knocked out rather easily when he trips over some wire. I’ll talk about those below, but my point is that, unless someone regularly watches old films and is used to suspending his or her disbelief, which is what audiences had to do before better special effects were created, a movie like Rio Bravo might seem dated and downright silly.

So, the other day, I read an article from LA Weekly called “Stop Laughing At Old Movies, You $@%&ing Hipsters” in which the author complained that hipsters laugh at old movies because of the hammy acting, outdated special effects and cheap set designs. While, in principle, I agree this is a stupid thing to do, especially if you shelled out the money for the movie in the first place, I also feel that the author was using the wrong movie with which to make her point.

She had attended a screening of Mario Bavo’s 1961 fantasy epic Hercules in the Haunted World, for which the theater provided a 23-piece orchestra and nine singers to accompany the soundtrack. What the fuck for? Hercules in the Haunted World is one of hundreds of Italian peplum films that came out in the late 50s though the early 60s; sword and sandal adventure epics where shaved and greased down, half naked body builders of questionable acting ability fight atop foam rocks and coliseum backdrops either in historical reenactments or purely fantastical plots against giant puppets or stop motion monsters while attempting to save unbelievably gorgeous women, who are most likely supermodels, not professional actresses. Do you see where I’m going with this? Hercules in the Haunted World is not exactly high art. So the fact that people laughed at the melodrama, cheesy special effects or the fake looking sets is NOT necessarily because of their philistinism, but possibly because the movie was legitimately funny at times.

That doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable, but COME ON. Some things just DO NOT age well. And considering the other examples of films the author gave- 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Godfather, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Shining, The Exorcist – it make me wonder if she’s not talking out of her ass or just happened to be in the theater on a particularly bad day. So I decided to give the “hipsters” the benefit of the doubt and compile a list of items from old movies which will always evoke at least a smirk out of me, if not outright laughter. Lighten up guys, they’re just movies.

1.) When people get knocked out cold by a single, ineffectual hit

Either people were much weaker in the past, or people used to hit a lot harder, but it’s funny to note how easily people can just get knocked out in old movies. I’ve taken the kinds of hits and spills that have knocked out some of the characters in these old movies and not gotten knocked out; am I then to believe that I’m tougher than John Wayne? Case in point; Rio Bravo. The nogoodniks in the film stretch a string across the base of a stairway, John Wayne goes running down it, crashes to the ground and is out like a light. Now, that’s just ridiculous; I’ve actually drunkenly tumbled down concrete stairs and stood up unaffected. Scott Rosendall, my wheelchair confined buddy, went speeding down a flight of stairs, sat up and crawled into his awaiting wheelchair. Is wheelchair using Scott Rosendall then tougher than John Wayne? Another example that immediately comes to mind is when the monster in The Thing from Another World (1951) pushed the scientist over, and he was out cold. Seriously, the monster just pushed him, and he was out. If people got knocked out just from being pushed, then every single mosh pit would quickly turn into a mountain of unconscious bodies laying one atop another.

2.) When people get shot, but don’t bleed

Howard Hawks’ 1932 gangster classic Scarface, which stars Paul Muni as a prohibition era liquor peddling thug named Tony Comanti, was once considered one of the most violent movies of all time. But how violent is a movie where nobody expels any actual blood? We see lots of smoking guns and people clutching their chests and/or bellies either out of pain or to hide the fact that there is no actual bullet hole, but NOBODY BLEEDS!!! Now, in old fashion Westerns, this is somewhat excusable considering that cowboys were using pea shooters that often couldn’t even break skin, but for cryin’ out loud, these gangsters are using TOMMY GUNS to fill rival gangsters and the occasional innocent bystander full of holes. What’s even more problematic is that this wasn’t fully alleviated until WELL into the 60s. Although Hammer studios introduce blood and gore via Dracula (known as Horror of Dracula in North America) to the big screen and a surprising amount of it considering it came out in 1958, and Hitchcock’s Psycho had “blood” in the form of chocolate syrup going down a shower drain during the infamous Janet Leigh stabbing scene, and John Ford’s 1962 western The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance showed a tiny bit of blood dripping from John Wayne’s arm, Sergio Leone’s 1964 western A Fistful of Dollars had a scene where some banditos disguised as Union soldiers gun down a bunch of Mexican soldiers, and NONE of the Mexican soldiers bleeds a single drop. Thank God for the invention of the squib!

3.) When monsters can do nothing but push or throw people

In real life, if you pick up a little girl and throw her into your local pond, and she drowns, you’re one sadistic son of a bitch! However, if you do the same thing in a movie, such as the 1931 classic Frankenstein, you’re pretty much stretching the boundaries for the amount of violence you’re allowed to inflict on other people on a movie screen. Wait, no, there is the part where Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant Fritz is found hanging on a noose, but in general, the movie monsters couldn’t really DO anything, and you had to REALLY use your imagination. Probably the most annoying culprit is the creature in Creature from the Black Lagoon. It screeches, it stomps around, it kidnaps the girl, it pushes people and well, it pushes more people. Hey, did you see that super crazy, violent horror movie where the monster pushes people? Okay, old horror movies did have some surprisingly grizzly scenes – the human head hunting trophies in The Most Dangerous Game, the scene where Bela Lugosi skins Boris Karloff alive in The Black Cat, the scene at the end of Island of Lost Souls where the mutants revolt and mutilate Charles Laughton with surgical tools, the scene in Freaks where we see Olga after she’s been turned into a duck woman – but none of the actual violence happens ON screen; one noteworthy exception is in the 1933 British horror film The Ghoul, where a corpse played by Boris Karloff carves an ankh into his chest with a knife, and I suppose you can count the scene in King Kong when the gorilla steps on a baby’s head, but these are the exception. Do we get to SEE the werewolf in Werewolf of London or The Wolf Man mutilate people? Did we actually SEE Count Dracula suck anyone’s blood? Of course not (at least not until Terence Fisher’s 1958 adaptation of Dracula); we have to pretend these monsters are hurting people! One point of interest is that, in 1938, when Frankenstein had a theatrical re-release (on a triple bill with Dracula and Son of Kong), censors in various cities snipped the part where the monster throws the girl into the water, cutting right as the monster leans in on her and grins, unintentionally implying something far more sinister than what actually took place in the excised footage.

4.) When people replace swear words with words that you hear in kids cartoons

Imagine you’re watching a detective or gangster picture, and a character gets really angry, and he says, “you better watch it, buster!” BUSTER? Did people actually say BUSTER back then? Not even “you bastard”, but “BUSTER”?! Somehow seeing Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe or Mike Hammer or Little Ceasar Rico or Tom Powers or whoever else say “buster” just doesn’t make them seem as bad ass as they once seemed. And everyone knows that, when people think of “bad ass”, they think of an adorable, diminutive  Jewish man named Edward G. Robinson.

5.) Any black actor prior to Sidney Poitier, Woody Strode or that one guy in Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing

In the 1950s, liberal directors of the era all of a suddenly began casting blacks in relatively respectable roles. When I say blacks, I mean Sidney Poitier, Woody Strode and that one guy that was in Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing; and by “respectable”, I mean you’re supposed to feel bad for that guy – okay, fine, his name is James Edwards, and he was in such noteworthy films as Robert Wise’s The Set-Up (1949) and Samuel Fuller’s The Steel Helmet (1951) – when Timothy Carey tells him, “you’re wrong, nigger.” But before that, hooo boy… You don’t want to laugh because you’ll be looked at as an asshole, but hey, back then the roles given to black actors weren’t exactly the most empowering, talking like completely illiterate, recently freed slaves with their “suh, suh, I’s dint know, suh suh.” To be fair, Clarence Muse, the coach driver in the 1932 horror film White Zombieand I guess he was in a bunch of other stuff, like the b-picture Invisible Ghost (1941) and Fritz Lang’s Scarlet Street (1945) –  wasn’t too, how shall I say it… well, he shouts, “ZOMBIES!!!”, not “SUH! SUH! I SEES ZOMBIES, SUH!!!” However the same can’t be said for Mantan Moreland in King of the Zombies (1941) or Napoleon Simpson in  The Mummy’s Curse (1944). Oh, and check out the hilarious maid roles played by Butterfly McQueen in Gone with the Wind (1939), Mildred Pierce (1945) and many others. Quoth McQueen: “I didn’t mind playing a maid the first time, because I thought that was how you got into the business. But after I did the same thing over and over, I resented it. I didn’t mind being funny, but I didn’t like being stupid.”

6.) All white people pretending to be non-white people

I’m definitely going to hell for this one… from Walter Long as the freed slave Gus in Birth of a Nation to Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer to Boris Karloff’s portrayal of the “yellow menace” Fu Manchu in The Mask of Fu Manchu to Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s to all of the Spaniards and Italians who played Indians in John Ford’s Cheyenne Autumn… in our modern times, it’s seen as ugly, tacky, grotesque and unpleasant the way many a white actor has portrayed blacks, Asians, Americans Indians and even Arabs – Stanley Donen’s 1965 film Arabesque f’rinstance –  but the clumsy and ham-fisted delivery of these characters causes me to giggle, and to suppress your laughter in the face of political correctness is to die a slow death.

7.) When people act overly scared by stuff that isn’t very scary

Once again, to be fair, one could say this about the majority of old horror films. However, sometimes  an actor or actress’s delivery is so melodramatic, and the fear he or she evinces is so over the top when compared to what he or she is experiencing in the movie, that it becomes comical. The funniest example off the top of my head is the woman shrieking as though she’s being raped as a puppet skeleton approaches her in William Castle’s 1959 schlock fest House on Haunted Hill.

8.) People in rubber monster costumes destroying miniature cities

Everyone who knows about Godzilla knows that each Godzilla movie got progressively sillier, as Godzilla himself went from being a symbol of atomic horror to a downright adorable, lovable dinosaur that, in spite destroying entire cities, had a buddy in the form of a ten year old boy in Godzilla’s Revenge (1969). But even in the original 1954 Gojira, the one where it’s a straight up horror movie without any of the cutesiness, he’s still just a guy in a suit throwing around toy cars and walking over miniature model cities between cuts of freaked out Tokyo citizens. And let’s face it; in a lot of these films, the buildings just look like milk cartons with squares painted on them. In the case of the 1962 Swedish monster film Reptilicus, a miniature monster destroys other miniatures and, since no rear screen projection is even used to put people on screen with the monster, the film ends up looking like a glorified puppet show.

9.) Scrolling backgrounds you see from car windows

Driving sequences in old movies just don’t look very realistic, ya know?

10.) REALLY vague allusions to sex 

The film noir pot boiler Kiss Me Deadly, adapted from the Mickey Spillane novel of the same name, directed by Robert Aldrich and starring Ralph Meeker as the sleazy private dick Mike Hammer, is a remarkably modern, unflinchingly violent and hard edged film for something that came out in 1955; the torture sequence alone is rather chilling. Yet even it suffered from the censorious confines of the era in which it was conceived. It’s remarkable how intimidating both Meeker and the underworld thugs he encounters can be in spite nary a single cuss word being uttered. But what I found rather odd was how, when Hammer spoke with his lovely secretary Velda (Maxine Cooper), he asked her, “did you date him?” This is code for, “did you seduce him and/or sleep with him in order to snag him in an extramarital affair?” Now, come on, he asks her “did you date him?” She could just as easily say, “Yep! We went to the movies last night, and it was great!” At least that’s how I would have interpreted such a question. Another example of this type of vague sexual allusion is in Fritz Lang’s 1952 drama Clash by Night, in which Jerry D’Amato(Paul Douglas) finds out that his wife Mae (Barbra Stanwyck) had been cheating on him with Robert Ryan’s character Earl Pfeiffer. The line they used to reveal this was, “we spent all afternoon together.” WE SPENT ALL AFTERNOON TOGETHER?! Doing what? Playing cards? Watching TV? Picking our bellybutton lint? We’re just supposed to KNOW that when a man and a woman spend the afternoon together – not the NIGHT, mind you – they were necessarily fucking?!

The Alt-Right, Punk Rock and Fake Boobs: An Analysis

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The worst thing about people who are full of shit is when they become fans of things that you both enjoy and are a much, much greater expert on. I think I’m in some position of authority to state that most punk rockers don’t know as much as I do about the Alternative Right or the general umbrella of the new right. And similarly I think it’s safe to say that most people on the Alternative Right have only a cursory knowledge of punk rock. So, as someone who is a damn near expert on both of these topics – not saying I was ever on the vanguard of either of these movements – I think I’m at least qualified to call bullshit on a recent article published by Playboy magazine.

But before I even analyze the recent Playboy piece “5 Punk Rockers Explain Why the Alt-Right’s ‘Punk Movement’ is Garbage“, let’s ALL put on our bullshit detectors.

Is Playboy not the magazine that 13 year old boys jerked off to for the first time? Is it not the “classy” boobie mag that was started by a pipe smoking, middle aged-cum (no pun intended)-dirty old pervert, who would feature pictorials of attractive women with their beach blonde hair and big, fake boobs? Wasn’t Hugh himself the subject of the wrath of second wave feminists?

Yeah, I know… Playboy has articles too; and there are people who actually read the articles, rather make their fathers question why all the pages in his books are stuck together. And, from my understanding, there was even an era when Playboy actually had good articles from “legit” writers like Woody Allen – who, liberal as he might be, bless his soul, never became a feminist or stopped being a pussy chasing dog – and Gore Vidal. But that was the 60s, and you had to feign intellectualism in those days.

Regardless of its praising of certain liberal causes, Playboy has long since been just a porn mag-lite (no beaver shots), known for launching the careers of airheads like Jenny McArthy and Pamela Anderson.

So why, all of a sudden, do they fancy themselves the authority on punk rock and feel that they can decide that “the Alt-Right’s ‘Punk Movement’ is Garbage”?

First of all, there IS no AltRight punk movement, because if there was, then my name would be in the article. Not only am I the guy who printed the first ever Punks for Trump t-shirts (only 50 left as of this writing; BUY BUY BUY!!!), but that’s Matt Forney, one of the definitive AltRighters, in the picture below wearing one.

forney_with_chicks

But, even if the article’s writer, Michael Tedder, was aware of this fact, he still misses the point entirely:

Members of the alt-right have of late made the argument that “conservatism is the new punk” and that gadflies like Alex Jones and Milo Yiannopoulos are the modern day truth-telling equivalents of the Sex Pistols and the Clash, pushing back against social justice warriors and political correctness culture. In their eyes, their old, retrograde ideas—which inevitably manifest as fear and outrage at attempts to curb white male privilege—have suddenly become avant-garde because of…safe spaces or something.

Neither Alex Jones nor Milo Yiannopoulos are “AltRight.” They’re libertarians. They’ve adopted some of the less extreme views of the AltRight – that cultural Marxism sucks, that SJWs of all stripes and shades are stupid and that Islam is a threat to Western civilization – but they were never considered part of the movement; to call them AltRight would be like calling the Cars a punk band. Sure the Venn diagrams overlap, but they’re not one and the same. To be honest, I’m not considered “AltRight” by some of the more radical elements either because I’m not a White Nationalist, I don’t believe that all ethnic groups need to be separated at all costs and I don’t fit the proper genetic stock. The AltRight actually has quite a bit of diversity of thought under its umbrella, but a person on the left will never take the time to investigate any of this.

But I digress. As far as the “new right” (which includes the AltRight) being considered “the new punk rock”, well… I suppose that depends on how you define “punk rock.” And that’s where we get to the meat, spikes, leather and chains of the article; unless, of course, you’re a modern day vegan-feminist-hippie-crust-punk, who dodges showers the way the hippies dodged the draft. Then you probably think the original punks were fascists for wearing and eating dead cow.

Most AltRighters don’t know that much about punk and all of the bands it produced or its various sub-genres and their spin-offs. If ANYTHING, while AltRighters might espouse the general, “offend the easily offended” attitude of the Sex Pistols, and while I think Trump is pissing off all the right people, AltRighters specifically probably have more in common with the Oi! band 4Skins, who wrote this wonderful anti-immigrant slam “One Law for Them”, in which they quote the “rivers of blood” speech by Enoch Powell, or the Canadian punk band Forgotten Rebels, who have the hilarious “Bomb the Boat and Feed the Fish”, in which they advocate a rather more, um, violent solution to the problem of mass immigration from third world countries. Hell, I’d even say they have more in common with hardcore punk bands like Agnostic Front, who have the anti-welfare screed “Public Assistance”, which got them in a heap of shit with the PC brigade, or Minor Threat, who mince no words in “Guilty of Being White”, or Black Flag, who sing about the changing ethnic demographic in Southern California in “White Minority” (oh, but they’re being ironic, cantcha tell?!).

But, instead Playboy claims they found the TRUE representatives of punk rock, and these people, who quite obviously have next to no knowledge of the AltRight, explain why someone on the AltRight can’t be punk.

First they get a quote from Victoria Ruiz from some band called the Downtown Boys. (And if you leftist fags say, “uh, what a POSER, you’ve never heard of the Downtown Boys?”, I’ll say, “go fuck yourself, you’ve never heard of Aryan Disgrace, Metal Urbain or the Mentally Ill.”)

Alice Bag, who has actually done the work of being a punk rock star, recently said via Facebook: “Punk has been portrayed as music by and for angry white males, but in its inception, it was a rebellion against all rock cliches. Gender, ethnic, sexual and class taboos were all challenged by our early punk community and that is a story which is not very often told. People of color, queer folk, women—all were present from the very beginning of Punk.”

Yeah, fine, Alice Bag and the Bags are actually really good – how can they not be? They had Geza X on guitar! – but Republican Johnny Ramone has done WAY more work of being a punk rock star. Not to mention Lee Ving of Fear, who wrote the classic “The Mouth Don’t Stop (the Trouble with Women).” And so has leftist clown Jello Biafra. So what? Okay, fine, Darby Crash, the singer of the Germs, was a fag. And their guitarist Pat Smear is black. And Ivan Julian, the rhythm guitarist for Richard Hell and the Voidoids, is also black. And the Bad Brains are all black and were known for their queer-bashing because they “be Rasta, mon, and Rasta don’ like no bloodclot faggots!” Again, so what? That changes precisely what again? The answer is coming; wait for it:

I think that this is exactly why it is nonsense when the alt-right strings together vapid words to try and incite a playground fight with those of us who put blood, sweat and tears into creating an expression that is the antithesis of everything that these alt-right meatheads represent. They are simply a distraction to the women, femmes, queers and people of color filling the columns of Spin, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, the New York Times and numerous other publications that report on culture. I don’t see actual alt-right bands headlining Coachella, I see Beyoncé and Kendrick Lamar—two of the most punk in terms of crystallizing dissent about the status quo —artists taking the stage. Real punk is and will always be a total threat to the alt-right and their culture, which is based on white supremacy. Otherwise it isn’t real punk. The alt-right’s tactics are FAKE PUNK. The alt-white (I mean right) want us to sip tea, but we are drinking fresh water from a firehose.

In other words, according to this person, the AltRight DOESN’T represent the punk rock ethos because they AREN’T represented in corporate mainstream media and DON’T perform at corporately sponsored music festivals. I think even the old timey leftists at Maximum Rock ‘n’ Roll would raise an eyebrow at that. But more specifically, AltRighters and anyone who espouses views that are heretical to the PC establishment need to be purged from all mainstream discourse. Also probably the main reason no “AltRight bands” have ever performed at Coachella is because THERE ARE NO ALT-RIGHT BANDS to speak of. And even if there were, they wouldn’t be invited to play these festivals. In fact corporately sponsored festivals like the Scion Rock Fest has dumped bands when they were suspected of having “nefarious” connections. But apparently Beyoncé and Kendrick Lamar are totally punk as fuck, man.

Next we have Chris Freeman of Pansy Division, the only name on the list I recognize. Feel free to read his lengthy, bitchy diatribe yourself. The only thing that stuck with me was this:

Punk rock for me was about free-thinking more than free speech, and I say that not to minimize free speech but to point out how robotic life had become in the 1970s.

Uh, oookay…. moving right along then…

Well, what do we have here? Erika M. Anderson seems to be the only person of the bunch with a brain!

I think if you define punk as simply being a group of angry young men wanting to say “fuck you” to dominant societal norms and current values, then the roots of the alt-right are definitely one of the most punk things going on right now.

AGREED… but:

But that’s like narrowing your definition of punk down to the Sex Pistols—which was basically a boy band put together by a pair of London clothing designers who wanted to use shock tactics to promote their fashion line. I much prefer Crass (who were anarchists, feminists, environmentalists and better songwriters!), X-Ray Spex or even Pansy Division. But my guess is that if you are truly invested in the theory of alt-right as new punk, then facts about the diversity of the movement aren’t really going to appeal to you.

Oo, calling the Sex Pistols a boy band… them’s fightin’ words! Julian Temple’s 2000 documentary The Filth and the Fury puts that myth to rest. Plus, even if it were true, that doesn’t change the fact that “No Feelings” is one of the best songs ever. To be fair, Crass makes some pretty righteous noise even if they’re views are stupid, and X-Ray Spex tear it up with their noisy, bleating sax and Poly Styrene’s caterwauling; I don’t think I’ve ever heard Pansy Division. Regardless, I AM invested in parts of the alt-right, but as proven above, I’m aware that there were black, gay and gurl punks. Her rant concludes with this:

Indeed, it’s all keks and lulz until a con man takes office and fills his cabinet with incompetent billionaires who don’t actually care about free speech, poverty, or really anything but themselves. Turns out there is a thin line between being punk and getting punk’d.

Oo, she’s clever!

Some guy named Andy Nelson at least gets one thing right:

It is no great secret that for all its posturing and incremental progress over the years, underground punk is still, regrettably, a culture dominated by straight whites males.

I wouldn’t say “regrettably”, but:

The notion that expressing all the hateful bigotry that the entirety of American society has been reinforcing forever would resemble the anti-establishment in any form is a premise so asinine and feeble-minded it is nearly beyond comprehension. Insofar as “Alt-Right Punk” is a real thing, I remind you that we’ve seen this type of thing before, and we’ve seen how it ends: Just ask Dave Smalley and Michael Graves what kind of traffic that moronic website ConservativePunk.com is getting these days.

Hey, if you don’t like it in the United States, you’re free to live in such tolerant countries as Iran and Saudi Arabia. As for Dave Smalley and Michael Graves, I’m not sure what kind of traffic they get on their moronic website these days, and I’m too lazy to check.

And finally Patrick Stickles of some band called Titus Andronicus (isn’t Shakespeare racist or something?) begins with:

In determining if conservatism/“alt-right” is the “new punk” or “political punk rock” or whatever they are saying, we must first address the distinction between “punk,” the ideology, “punks,” who practice said ideology, and “punk rock,” the musical genre/fashion template with which we associate acts like the Sex Pistols or Ramones or Black Flag and “punk rockers,” those who adhere to those templates.

No, we mustn’t. Well,you can if ya want, but I’m going to listen to this here Dictators song and have myself a vodka/diet coke mixer.

White Trumps on Dope, an Open Letter to Jello Biafra

jello_biafra_trumpIf you were ever 14 and didn’t go through a Dead Kennedys phase, you are one sad kid.  The Dead Kennedys are a wicked, sick killer band.  Their songs are ferociously hooky, and the musicianship of guitarist East Bay Ray, bassist Klaus Flouride and drummers Ted (a.k.a. Bruce Slesinger) and D.H. Pelligro eschews the notion that “punk bands can’t play.”  On top of all that, you have liberal loudmouth yahoo, Eric “Jello Biafra” Bouchard’s quivering, clown like vibrato caustically waxing about a dystopic future dominated by corporate interests, where the average American is nothing more than a cog in a machine and enters the workforce only to be spit out the other end when his productivity has expired.

In addition to bashing corporations and Republicans, Biafra takes swipes at “jocks”, “goons”, “hicks”, “racists” and basically anybody who is white and male.  Before I even read The Redneck Manifesto, I found it strange that, for someone who allegedly cares about the “everyman”, Biafra sure likes to make low-ball attacks on the po’ white folk in songs like “Winnebago Warrior” or “Goons of Hazard.”  Hell the latest album by his current band, Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine (oh, ho ho!), is called White People and the Damage Done.  What’s with the formalities?  Why not just call it Kill All the White People?  Or maybe that’s so unsubtle that people would think it’s a joke.

But, I do respect the man and his band’s uphill struggle against censorship.  I also find it ironic that it’s someone on the left who tried to destroy his career after the Dead Kennedys inserted the H.R. Giger painting, Landscape XX, into the sleeve of the Frankencrhist LP.  I found it doubly ironic that he’s spent his career defending free speech in an era when it was people on his side that are trying to kill it with political correctness.

And then he pulls this shit.  “Nazi Trump Fuck Off”?!  Like are you fucking serious?  For those not in the know, the Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off”, a minute long blast of raging hardcore that attacked assholes on the scene who liked to start fights and beat people up in the pit, was originally released on their 1981 EP In God We Trust, Inc.  Later on, as Nazi Skinheads became a regular fixture in the punk, hardcore and metal scenes of the 80s and 90s, the song seemed actually kind of prescient and important.  By 2016, as occurrences of neo-Nazi gang beatings are practically non-existent in most punk scenes, the song has lost all relevance outside of being a fun blast of hardcore with a well meaning, but otherwise, completely safe message.

So, then I have to ask: is Biafra THAT stupid or is he so damn desperate to keep the pulse on the finger of the young “punx”, a subculture that’s nearing its fortieth year and has all but been turned into a leftist recruitment tool, that he’s willing to pull out Godwin’s law, internet-meme level, stupid tropes like “Trump’s a Nazi” in order to keep the spiky haired fan base tuned in?  And on top of that, are they so stupid that they actually believe him?

Don’t answer that question.

Anyone who pays attention to what Trump has said knows that that man is not only NOT a Nazi, he doesn’t even care about abortions, gay marriage, marijuana or transgender issues;  he literally answers questions about all of these topics with something along the lines of, “I will, but I won’t, but I care, but I don’t.”  Translation: “I just want close the border, end trade deals and not let Syrian refugees in the country.  Other than that, do whatever the heck you want.”  In fact, many strict, hard-liner evangelicals say he’s not conservative enough.

Trump’s contentious views regard illegal immigrants, most of whom are Mexican, and Syrian “refugees”, most of whom are male and Muslim.  No matter how Biafra wants to cut and slice it, most Americans feel the immigration system is broken; they don’t like sanctuary cities, immediate citizenship upon birth or how their cities are turning into Spanish speaking barrios; they wouldn’t like it if their cities were turning into Polish speaking ghettos either.  On top of that, many Americans don’t feel comfortable with letting 10,000 Syrian refugees, people who have values quite different from those of the West as evidenced by, oh, I dunno, incidents in Europe ranging from the raping of a bunch of women in Cologne to the blowing up of the Bataclan in Paris, into the United States.  It’s apparently “racist” now to want to keep your family safe.  Except that Islam isn’t a race; it’s a religion.  Wasn’t it Jello Biafra who wrote “Religious Vomit”?

All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions make me sick
All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions suck
They all claim that they have the truth
That’ll set you free
Just give ’em all your money and they’ll set you free
Free for a fee

They all claim that they have ‘the Answer’
When they don’t even know the Question
They’re just a bunch of liars
They just want your money
They just want your consciousness

[Chorus]
All religions suck
All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions suck
All religions make me wanna BLEAH

They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me ILL

ALL religions, Jello.  I get it; in your estimation, ALL religions just means “Christianity and ALL of its derivations.”  But to us, Jello, that is, the people who aren’t brainwashed by cultural Marxism, “ALL religions” means you can’t play favorites.  As far as we’re concerned, there’s ONE religion that we need to watch out for.  Here, let me give you a hint there, buddy:

muhammad

See that guy?  If you’re a gay person or a woman, that guy is not on your side.  If you’re a Jew, Christian or atheist, that guy is especially not on your side.  Trump wants to ban 10,000 people who believe in that guy from entering the United States, and he’s the Nazi?

I really love the Dead Kennedys.  In fact I think the rest of the band are a bunch of buffoons for hiring scabs like Brandon Cruz, Jeff Penalty and that one guy from that one band to take your spot.  I really love the records you made with Mojo Nixon, Tumor Circus, Nomeansno, D.O.A., the Melvins and even your latest band with the really stupid name.  Hell, I saw you guys twice, and Andrew Weiss killed it!  Jello, if you read this, I’m the guy who was at the show at Small’s in 2010, whose mouth you stuffed one of your rubber gloves into and then rudely shoved a mic in my face asking if I had anything “intelligent” to say.  Well, I didn’t at the time, but I do now.

You’re a coward.  Your buddies in Conflict, who wrote that great, anti-Muslim song “An Option”, on the other hand, might share your retarded, anti-Capitalist sentiment, but they at least understand that letting more Muslims into their country will increase the risk of getting killed.

The Eagles of Death Metal were performing at the Bataclan and watched people get blown up.  Gavin McInnes interviewed vocalist Jesse Hughes, who some publications have banned because of his contentious views towards Muslims.  HE WATCHED PEOPLE DIE, and now people are calling him racist.  He’s pro-Trump and he’s anti-Muslim, which means, in this day and age, he’s anti-death and pro-survival.  He’s got balls, and you don’t.

I know you’ve got a career to maintain, but, if you’re going to take on the easiest, wussiest, least edgy political stance of all time in order to keep fourteen year old kids coming to your shows, can you at least not insult my intelligence with your bullshit?

 

 

No Good Music, My Ass! Albums of 2016 I’ve Been Enjoying the Heck Out Of

hawkwind_the_machine_stops_2.0

It’s Friday night and the first night of a four day weekend for me.  I didn’t feel like heading out tonight, so instead, I decided to mix me a vodka/soda cocktail and, rather than get into weighty philosophical or political topics, talk about my favorite albums of 2016 so far.  If you’re a music fan, you have no business complaining that you have nothing to listen to.  Here is a list of some fine albums I’ve listened to and/or purchased so far this year.

UXO – UXO

I already did a lengthy review of this album, but to recap, UXO, which is military lingo for unexploded material that could soon blow, is also a pairing of two of noise rocks best and longest enduring guitarists; Steve Austin from Today Is the Day and Chris Spencer from Unsane, The Cutthroats 9 and Celan.  My only complaint about the album is that it’s too short; it’s supposed to be an LP, but it only has seven songs on it, and they aren’t long songs.  Last time I checked 26 minutes does not an LP make.  This, however, is a very minor complaint.  Spencer lays down the crushing, low end riffs, while Austin plays whirling, noisy Frippian melodies atop.  Scorchin’!  Buy here at Reptilian!

Värähtelijä – Oranssi Pazuzu

Black metal in space!  Hawkwind crossed with Mayhem!  Or something along those lines.  I’m not even going to try to pronounce the title for the fourth album by this wicked Finish band.  I like ’em A LOT!  I have their other three albums as well, and this one is no disappointment.  Are you in space? Are you in Hell?  Who knows?  Just take this 70+ minute journey; I dare you!

Post Society EP – Voivod

No need to be objective about one of my favorite bands.  Voivod have been rockin’ and rollin’ since the early 80s.  And while they’ve gone through a number of styles, their key approach, the one loved by most fans, is their mix of King Crimson style prog and thrash metal.  Current guitarist Danny “Chewie” Mongrain, who replaced Dennis “Piggy” D’Amour, who passed away from colon cancer in 2005, shows that he’s up for the job of playing those odd, spacey, dissonant chords and weird melodies that made Voivod one of the most unique metal bands.  Also Dominique “Rocky” Laroche takes the place vacated by Jean-Yves “Blacky” Thériault nearly two years ago.  Singer Dennis “Snake” Bellinger and drummer Michel “Away” Langevin remain intact.  Group covers “Silver Machine” by Hawkwind, but why only five songs?

Terminal Redux – Vektor

Third and latest album by this Arizona based band and first released on Earache.  Voivod inspired, sci-fi metal overkill, but with black metal vocals and blast beats; just a lot of great ‘n’ weird melodies, complicated time changes and dissonant chords for 70+, relentless minutes.  Saw these dudes at Berserker Fest and they totally destroyed.

Revengeance – Conan

I still wonder if the ridiculous name for the fourth Conan album was inspired by  the unintentionally funny title for the latest Slayer album, Repentless.  Either way I’m enjoying this British sludge metal power trio more and more.  With a name like Conan, for some reason I thought they would be way more technical and melodic, maybe like Cirith Ungol or something, but it turns out they just play really heavy and slow.  Their first couples albums are a bit, “eh.”  But they finally hit their stride with some killer riffs on their third Blood Eagle and this here fourth album Revengeance, going all High on Fire style; The Art of Self Defense/Surrounded by Thieves High on Fire, that is.

Three Men and a Baby – Mike & the Melvins 

If someone were to tell you that the music on Three Men and a Baby was recorded in 1998, would you believe it?  Aside from disrupting the flow of the Melvins discography by naming the band Mike & the Melvins, it’s pretty darn safe to consider  Three Men and a Baby a Melvins record; also their first to be released on Sub Pop.  If I’m not mistaken, the Melvins’ lineup at the time of this recording was King Buzzo, Dale Crover and former Cows bassist at the time was Kevin Rutmanis.  But, for this release, the group teamed up with Mike Kunka, who played bass for GodHeadSilo.  Album has plenty of hot ‘n’ heavy King Buzzo licks and killer Dale Crover drumming, as you would expect with the Melvins.  They also cover “Annalisa” by Public Image Ltd.  And make sure to guffaw at the song title “A Friend in Need Is a Friend You Don’t Need.”  The Melvins have another album coming out shortly, but don’t they always have another album coming out?

Negative Noise – Child Bite

I was fortunate enough to get a copy of this dope album for free because they were giving them out at the show in Detroit, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have easily bought a copy.  Released through Housecore and produced by none other than Phil Anselmo, Negative Noise, although a tad more accessible than their previous few efforts, is still full of their weird, Jesus Lizard/Killdozer inspired punk-prog-sludge.

The Machine Stops – Hawkwind

Long time reigning gods of space rock are back with their first official studio album in four years.  If you’re familiar with Hawkwind, then you know their discography is huge, and you also know that their members have a ton of side projects, in effect creating a whole mini-musical universe.  Hawkwind fans get just as excited by side projects, such as Hawklords (the new Hawklords that is, not the old Hawklords, which was really just Hawkwind with a different name) or solo albums by former bassist Alan Davey, as they do with the group’s official releases.  I would say Nik Turner, but, if you’re familiar with Hawkwind, you know there’s acrimony between the Brock and Turner camps.  I don’t get into these petty debates and, since I’ve seen Nik Turner twice, well, ya know… but, man oh man, what a great album!  Epic space rock, ambient electronic, a song with Middle Eastern influences, and the entire thing is based on the EM Forster sci fi classic.  What can I say other than, “when will Hawkwind finally come to the United States?”

Dystopia – Megadeth

Megadeth have now released fifteen studio albums, and yet have one of the patchiest discographies.  Part of that has to do with Dave Mustaine’s desire to try new stuff all the time.  Dystopia hearkens back to Rust in Peace era melodic thrash.  Also, hot damn, they do a Fear cover!

It Came from N.Y.C. – White Zombie 

It Came from N.Y.C. is a box set containing long-awaited reissues of the group’s pre-La Sexorcisto, independent releases, when they were an underground, New York based, noise rock band.  The box set contains an LP with the Gods on Voodoo Moon EP on side 1 and the “Pig Heaven”/”Slaughter the Grey” single on side 2 along with full reissues of Psycho-Head Blowout, Soul-Crusher, Make Them Die Slowly and the God of Thunder EP.  It also comes with a killer coffee table book.  I do a more thorough review of the box set here.

 

 

Meet My New Co-Conspirator

I’m starting a blog called Right of the Dial with my new co-conspirator Lucy McGoldbergstein.  She used to teach economics and shit, and she thinks Detroiters “need to pay for their fucking water.”  I’ll continue to update SavageHippie, and like a true Jew, will save shekels by moving some of the best stuff from here to Right of the Dial.  Expect economic insights, current events, beauty tips and Holocaust denial.

lucy_picture

I Do Wanna go Back 50 Years and Do It Over.

me_pet_sounds_paper_backsI was discussing with my coworker whether, if it were 50 years ago, I would be into the music of the day.  My guess is most likely not.  I would imagine that a 32 year old version of me back in 1966 would have been married with a couple of kids, working a standard or above standard job, living in a nice house and buying my kids the paperback books you see me holding in the picture.  After all, if we’re going by what the culture was like back then, I probably would have outgrown “popular music” by, I dunno, 1952 at age 18 and focused entirely on either getting a career or going to college, back when having a college degree actually mattered.  The only reason I’m bringing all of this up is because I saw a Facebook post reminding me that the legendary Beach Boys album, Pet Sounds, was released 50 years ago, and it got me thinking about how art, culture and society have evolved/devolved in half a century.  So, let’s start with the topic I know the most about.

1966 is probably the most important year for rock ‘n’ roll.  The album took precedence over the single, and many of the most important albums were released that year.  Rock showed the establishment that it too could be taken seriously as a form of art.  Older, established bands were no longer content to just entertain an audience; now they were officially “artists.”

On Revolver the Beatles experimented with Eastern, Sitar sounds (“Love You To”) and backwards, psychedelic tape effects (“Tomorrow Never Knows”). On Aftermath, the Rolling Stones threw in baroque arrangements into “Lady Jane” and also used Eastern influences on both “Paint It Black” and “Mother’s Little Helper” – the former on the American version of Aftermath, and the latter on the European version.  And on their album, A Quick One, the Who performed the first “rock opera” (nine minute “A Quick One While He’s Away”).  On top of that, there were all of these wonderful, unique and creative albums from new bands; Black Monk Time by the Monks, The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators by the 13th Floor Elevators, Freak Out! by Frank Zappa and his Mothers of Invention and both The Seeds and A Web of Sound by the Seeds, just to name a few.

One could say it was a gosh darned renaissance in pop music!  New ideas, new drugs, new open sexuality – the world was throwing off the shackles of the previous generation.  However, one album stands out among all of the other classics of ’66 for what sounds like a lamentation of all this “moving forward” that society was doing.  Okay, you could talk about how the Kinks sang about the loss of the old way of life to modernity, but for the sake of argument and because they’re British, let’s ignore them and focus on the album I’m holding in the picture: Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys.

If I’m not mistaken, most hipster people don’t think much of the Beach Boys because the group’s early surfin’, cruisin’, drag racin’ and tail chasin’ (okay, that last one was a bit of an exaggeration since their songs are pretty wholesome) world view reflected a macho, retrograde, capitalist, consumerist and all American culture that these days is all but a quaint memory.  That’s probably why the only Beach Boys album any of them seem to talk about is Pet Sounds.  And, I’m assuming that has more to do with Mike Love’s experimentation with orchestral flourishes, than what the group was singing about.  We want to turn on, tune in and drop out, and you’re singing songs about marriage?

When did the 60s actually start?  Well, obviously 1960, but 1960 was really no different than 1959.  We didn’t see any real spike in cultural upheaval until a few years after that.  As far as I’m concerned, the 1960s that Dennis Hopper says you weren’t in if you claim to remember it didn’t really begin until 1966.  Sure Kennedy’s assassination in 1963 put a damper on America’s soul, the 1964 Civil Rights Act rearranged how private businesses were allowed to operate, the 1965 Hart-Celler act fundamentally changed the American demographic from majority white to god knows what from god knows where and the 1965 Watts Riots led to the start of white flight from major cities to their neighboring suburbs, but a couple performances by some British rock bands on American TV in 1964 and 1965 didn’t exactly represent a rapidly shifting cultural zeitgeist as many would like to think.  In fact, if the clip that I saw of a couple of young people complaining about Jim Morrison’s onstage social/political rants are any indication, there were plenty of people from that era who viewed mainstream rock and pop music as nothing more than entertainment.

The true cultural shift began to manifest in about 1966.  Hollywood studios “broke the code” by releasing movies like Mike Nichols’ Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, with blatant references to “humping”, and the Michelangelo Antonioni film Blow-Up, which has a bunch of nudity in it because, like, nudity is cool.  Anton LaVey launched his Church of Satan because traditional religions are for the birds.  Bra-burning feminists hit the scene.  Black Panthers began to patrol the streets of major cities.  The kids were being told to not trust anyone over 30.  Hair was getting longer, sex was getting looser, movies were getting smuttier, music was getting druggier and American society was embroiled in one of the biggest cultural wars it had ever faced since, I dunno, the Civil War?

angry_bikersAnd so, it’s 50 years later.  I’m a HUGE fan of pop-cultural ephemera, music, films, magazines and books from the 60s.  I wonder if it’s possible for all of this stuff to exist if the culture hadn’t taken such a massive nose dive; would there even all these cool sexploitation films and biker films and John Waters films and Satanic films and women in prison films and excessively violent Spaghetti Westerns if there wasn’t a society to reflect off of?  Granted, the gangster and crime pictures of the 30s through the 50s were already reflecting the darker side of American culture, and of course there were horror movies.  Companies like American International made sensational movies like Teenage DollThe Wild Angels and The Trip so that the average Joe could experience “the other side” without having to join a gang, get into a violent brawl or drop a hit of acid himself.

When all was said and done, the majority of people didn’t participate in the lunacy and cultural degeneracy of the 1960s; they worked jobs, got married and had kids.  The ones that were part of the counterculture either became burnouts or were absorbed into academia and various parts of government, taking their views with them and forcing them onto future generations.

I’m sure many of the geriatric counterculture types who were alive in the 60s would never have guessed that we would have men in women’s clothing trying to use women’s restrooms or girls excusing their sluttiness with such clever labels as “polyamerous.”  The craziest yippie, hippie, degenerate freak of the 60s never would have even considered gay marriage a possibility.  Many “freaks” I talk to, who were around back then, still love the music, but now have way more conservative views.  Yes, these were degenerate freaks; but they were mostly heterosexual, degenerate freaks.

And so we have the first verse of “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”, the opening track on Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys:

wouldn’t it be nice if we were older
then we wouldn’t have to wait so long
and wouldn’t it be nice to live together
in the kind of world where we belong
you know it’s going to make it that much better
when we could say good night and stay together

Can you imagine such an antiquated notion as asking someone to marry you marketed to the kids of today?  Forget the kids; what about the 36 year old sluts who are getting pumped and dumped for the umpteenth time by some guy in his early 30s, who doesn’t want to commit to an over the hill broad that still thinks of herself as top shelf in the sexual market place?

Jesus, don’t even bother with these lines:

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do
We could be married
And then we’d be happy

Praying?!  Why that sounds like something those stupid Christians do!  Pet Sounds came out 50 years ago right about the time the culture was “changing.”  We’re now seeing a mirror image of the 1960s.  The hippies, radical feminists and Black Panthers have been replaced by Occupy Wall Street, “free the nipple” feminists and Black Lives Matter thugs, and, with the ascendancy of Donald Trump, the growing discontent of the American worker, the trend in single motherhood, increasing inner city crime, the desire to end trade agreements, overbearing political correctness and a stronger nationalist sentiment, I have a feeling the next generation may be clamoring  for a reversal of 50 years of “progress.”

A Really Great Cast of Characters

me_thomas_sowell_american_hardcoreSome people on the Alternative Right or the semi-Alternative Right or even just the un-PC, but not too crazy radical Alternative Right might get my emails or see my comments and think a.) who the hell is this weirdo with the leather jacket and tattoos? and b.) why does he act like he’s on cocaine every time he writes something?  A few weeks ago, I wrote how I became a Trump-supporting, AltRight, punk rock Jew, but I failed to make the direct parallel between the punk/underground world and the right-o-sphere; and not even necessarily the AltRight-o-sphere.

Y’see, when you get into a particular genre or sub-genre of music, you don’t just become a fan of the music.  You wear the t-shirts, you take on the persona of the people involved, you contact the musicians, you find ways to participate yourself, you find ways to not just be a passive observer; you’ve essentially found your second tribe, hence the term subculture.  Part of that experience is meeting an awesome cast of characters, who aren’t just known for the music they make, the bands they were in or the labels they started, but also what kind of people they are and what kind of views they espouse.

Take punk rock for instance; anybody who knows a little about it knows that Johnny Rotten is a cantankerous, yet witty person.  He or she knows the Ramones are those guys with the motorcycle jackets and mop top haircuts, the Clash are the wannabe proletarian heroes, who espouse bogus Marxist views, the Jam are the guys that dress like mods, that Poly Styrene is the black chick that fronts X-Ray Spex, Billy Idol is the pretty boy who sings for Generation X, Richard Hell is the cool beat poet guy, Debbie Harry is the sassy, blonde bombshell and so on and so forth.

Hell, if you’re a fan of punk’s underground spin-off, hardcore, then you know damn well there’s a massive difference between a degenerate freak like GG Allin, a left-wing polemicist like Jello Biafra, a zero fun having, straight edge zealot like Ian Mckaye, a diminutive Elvis parody like Glenn Danzig and a cantankerous, curmudgeonly nerd like Steve Albini.

So, what does that have to do with the right?

To a man, I feel the right-o-sphere, or whatever group I forced myself into with this blog and all of my annoying comments, pretty much functions in the same way.  The more I learned about some of these people, the more interesting it became to learn about the topics they discuss.  And, just like with the punk scene, or any music scene, to simplify the right into one, unified group, shows a lack of understanding.

Back when you could call me a cuckservative, I was really into people like Steve Crowder, Ben Shapiro, Pamela Geller, Robert Spencer – who I once confused with Richard Spencer – Debbie Schlussel and the whole crew at Rebel Media and Breitbart.  I still enjoy their commentary and their put-downs of Social Justice Warriors and Islam.

But then, just as the punk rocker might try to find something a bit more esoteric or more extreme, I discovered Takimag, Alternative Right and a whole bunch of related websites, and hoo boy… actually, at first the stuff they said didn’t seem that much different from that there first group I pointed out, but as it turned out, if Crowder, Shapiro and Lauren Southern are new wave, then Takimag is grindcore.

I got to know a whole new cast of neato characters; the witty outsider Jim Goad, the “infamous” Jewish Holocaust revisionist David Cole, the Human Biodiversity specialist Steve Sailer, former National Review writer John Derbyshire, race realist Jared Taylor, immigration expert Peter Brimelow and the aforementioned Richard Spencer, who, if I’m not mistaken, coined the term Alternative Right.  Since Gavin McInnes writes for Taki’s, appears on Rebel Media and even on Greg Gutfeld’s show, that’s where some of my confusion set in.

Goad’s article on black reparations was about the most brilliant thing I’d ever read, and I was so excited about it, I  even showed it to my parents.  My dad asked, “yeah, but how popular is this website, and how many people will see it?”  THEN, I read several of Goad’s articles on Israel, and that’s when I learned the major difference between group a. and group b.  My god, Taki, the guy who created the website, all but hates Jews.  I mean, he hired David Cole, but I have a feeling it might have to do with his Holocaust revisionist past.  I dunno; I wasn’t there for the meeting, so I could be talking about of my ass.  But it is true that I felt VERY confused; I thought the people on the right, my side, are Israel supporters.

Well, they’re not exactly BDS, but at the same time, their attitude towards Jews and Israel is pretty damn cavalier; and, in some cases, I have to admit that it’s not unwarranted.  After all, wasn’t the Frankfurt School, the group of politically correct mofos who are responsible for the totalitarian PC nightmare under which we currently live, mostly Jewish?  Didn’t Leon Trotsky invent the stupidest word of all time, “racism”?  Wasn’t Israel founded under slightly less than noble conditions?

But, if I’m going to not be a hypocrite like Ben Shapiro, then I have to realize that, if you’re going to be un-PC, then you have to be un-PC all the way.  If you’re going to interview David Duke, then do a motherfuckin’, full-on, uncensored interview.  After all, if you’re confident that his views are tripe, then what harm is it to have him speak them?  And, to be honest, his views are tripe; he tastes Jews in his sandwich.  That of course creates some interesting problems for me; for instance, how do I tell my conservative, Christian and black friend, Dave that Jared Taylor, whose anti-affirmative action works he might actually enjoy, repeatedly says that blacks have lower IQs on average than whites and Asians?

I’ve realized that, aside from being possibly the only person on the Taki’s comment section who doesn’t hide behind an avatar, the Jews who comment on there are often involved in shouting matches with people who don’t see them as completely white, yet nobody has been able to tell me if they consider Armenians, Indians or Greeks to be completely white either.  Jared Taylor and John Derbyshire consider Jews as white as everyone else, while Kevin McDonald sees Jews as an alien race with an anti-European agenda.  I’ve noticed that, when I espouse my views in the comment section, some people say, “it’s cool man, you’re like us” and some tell me to go get fucked.  Ain’t no biggie; I’ve got thick skin.

In fact I enjoy the back and forth that I see in comment sections and articles.  As Gavin McInnes pointed out, the debate within the right IS an actual debate, while the debate between someone on the right and someone on the left is more like a teaching session.  I enjoy reading the different sides of the Iran deal.  Some say the mullahs have too much money to worry about blowing everyone up with bombs; some say that money don’t mean shit when it comes to redeeming their 72 virgins.  Why does Mike Savage support Donald Trump, and Mark Levin does not?

Most people on the right agree on the principle stuff; feminism is stupid. College doesn’t educate; it indoctrinates.  Muslims are the enemies of the west.  Messing with the free market is a bad idea.  Gun control doesn’t solve gun violence.  Traditional values really are the best way to go.  And this whole global warming/climate change nonsense is less about saving the world, and more about lining the pockets of politicians and big business.

But, damn, what a fantastic cast of characters on all sides.  The wit and wisdom of Jim Goad is untouchable, yet, he won’t get the recognition he deserves because his views are outside what’s accepted by the mainstream; and we all know what happened with David Cole.  But one guy who I find really interesting is Gavin McInnes, an obnoxious punk rightist like me.  Has Greg Gutfeld even considered how much of a liability having someone who writes for an AltRight site on his show might be?  Gavin is my “safe space”; no matter how much people attack the Jews, he manages to back us up.  Maybe it’s for PR, maybe it’s so he can remain cool with Ben Shapiro and Ezra Levant, or maybe he actually means it; I don’t freakin’ know.  But he’s one sharp-witted individual, and his videos are a hoot to watch.  Even my liberal friends get a kick out of his Miles McInnes character.

So, as someone who sent me a copy of her latest tome to review told me, “you’re not jaded.”  How could I be jaded?  I’m reading stuff from and talking to people that I find interesting and can learn from, I’ve learned how to become a better debater and, at least I’d like to think, I’ve become a better, more astute writer.  And, above all, it’s whole heckuva lot of fun.