Racist Chicks Turn Me On!

me_racist_girls_turn_me_onThe easiest ways to make me not want to talk to you if you’re a girl include, but are not limited to, the following:

a.) calling yourself “non-binary” or any of the other made-up, nonsensical gender designations that fall outside of “girl”, “woman”, “gyno-American” or “person who was born with a vagina, a uterus and an XX chromosome.”

b.) referring to the poor rube that you roped into a relationship as your “partner”, rather than your boyfriend

c.) asserting your political views over my biological needs.

I remember telling a former lady friend – oh hell, it was Sara B, who recently tagged me in a Facebook post telling our old friends to avoid me because I’m “raciss” or some shit – about a date I went on, where the girl said something along the lines of “I don’t have a problem with the good ones”, referring to black people. She could have been referring to Jews, but casually racist girls – who I find pretty hot, as the title of this piece says  – typically don’t think deeply enough to consider whether Jews are a religion, race or ethnicity; to them I’m just a white guy.

As a matter of fact, I was hanging out with some friends, and this cute chick saw me pull out my old flip phone and asked me if I’m Jewish, implying that I’m too cheap to get a smart phone. I said, “yeah… was that just a guess?” And she said, “I just kinda figured.” Then we had a brief discussion about whether it would make more sense for me to have already owned a smart phone since, given my background, I can allegedly afford all of the latest and greatest in technology (and I did eventually get a smart phone, but that’s besides the point). Regardless, this wasn’t a value judgment on her part; just a curious observation. NUTTIN’ WRONG WITH THAT!!!

Then I asked the big one: “do you consider me white?” She seemed rather bemused by my question. I’ll let the AltRighters in the audience ponder what her answer was.

But anyway, I was telling Sara about this date, and her response to my date’s claim of “I don’t have a problem with the good ones” was so typical of the SJW dogooder: “HOW COULD YOU DATE SOMEONE LIKE THAT?! OH MY GAWD, I CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE THINK LIKE THAT IN (insert the current year)! Dude, I hope you really consider not seeing this person. Or if you do, at least tell her how big of a racist piece of shit she is, and THEN don’t see her again.”

Easy for you to say, toots. You may deliberately be trying to make yourself look as ugly as possible with the weird, unnatural hair colors and your nerd glasses and your preachy, off-putting attitude, but that hasn’t stopped you from having an army of guys lining up to date you.

Me? On a good day, I’m a 7.5 and can land a decent looking chick if I put a modicum of effort into it; in fact a second after I wrote the last sentence, I caught a cute Asian chick checking me out. HOWEVER, I don’t have it as easy as you. SO DON’T TRY TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CAN’T DATE, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS BITCH.

But then it got me thinking; there IS a certain charm that comes from a girl who unashamedly makes statements like, “I don’t have a problem with the good ones” or asks questions like “are you Jewish?” I find that level of innocence and lack of ideological bias to be incredibly cute and refreshing. And honestly, do you really think, when someone says “I have no problem with the goods ones”, that he or she has any particular malice behind his or her words, or that he or she wish to do harm to the people who he or is talking about? If you answered “yes” to either of these questions, I highly suggest you seek treatment for your paranoia.

I remember reading an OKCupid profile where a girl insisted that no black men contact her. Horrible and racist, isn’t it? Well, I messaged her, and it turns out that she actually dated a black man for several years, and in the last year of their relationship, he beat the living shit out of her. I think, in her case, we can give her a pass. Her experiences with a black man, one who I’m assuming was more Tupac Shakur, than Sidney Poitier, has forever colored (no pun intended) her experience with the “black experience.” If you blame HER for her “racism”, YOU’RE a domestic violence apologist. She also complained that she only gets hit on by blacks. Sweetie, with an enormous – and dare I say, rather cute – bubble butt like that, what do you expect? I’ll be your knight in shiny Jewish armor, but you gotta stop with the country music. At least the modern kind.

But the bottom line is twofold. The first is that dates are SO MUCH MORE fun when they don’t turn into political debates. And the second is that, provided a woman hasn’t been brainwashed by the the Marxist propaganda in the media or the university she goes to, she is an ideological blank slate; the only strong opinions women hold are those that directly affect them and their little worlds. Isn’t the recent “red pilling” of longtime internet feminist Laci Green a perfect example of this? She spent years vituperating against “patriarchy” and “rape culture”, and then an anti-feminist man comes along and sweeps her off her feet, and now she’s no longer a feminist.

My tattoo artist and friend told me, “if a woman is into something really cool, thank her previous boyfriend.”

Geez, I’ll give women more credit than that. Thus far, at 33 years of age, I’ve dated, slept with and/or kinda fallen in love with a corrections officer, an oral hygienist, a World War II history major, a nerdy librarian, a tattoo artist, a school teacher, a restaurant cook, a bunch of women who I have no idea what they did/do and two ex-strippers, one of whom has realistic looking fake boobs and does “fill-in puzzles” (hey, Jo!).

None of them EVER tried to police my language, and many surprised me with their rather course choice of words regarding various races and/or ethnic groups; Tasha, my super hot former manager at the Sunglass Hut, which I rudely quit without giving any notice, blatantly said that she doesn’t like Mexicans after someone (who you can assume is Mexican) tried to steal a pair of sunglasses. Just like that! Can you imagine what would have happened if I recorded what she said and reported it? When I was in college, my ex Melissa (the chick that fucked Dave “Oderus Urungus” Brockie of Gwar), printed up the lyrics to “Nasty Boy” by Notorious BIG, taped them to the door of her dorm room and posted “Celebrate Black history month” above it. Just in case you’re wondering, here are some of the lyrics:

Then we came home, mad messages was on my phone
Bitch named Simone
Screamin, she fiendin for the semen
Me bein the man that I am
Took it to her condo pronto
Half Indian, I called her Tonto
Roll the chron’chron’ in the dark pronto
Few puffs, eyes got low
And off to the bedroom we go
Sex is drama, head is trauma
Ripped pajamas, I’ma stay ’til tomorrow
Satisfying all my needs twice
With whipped cream, handcuffs and ice
The bitch is nice, word is bond
Can’t wait to put my niggas on, what? What?

She was pretty funny.

Savage Hippie Episode 49 – More Fun Aboard Trump’s Flying Circus

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Sorry it’s taken so damn long to get episode 49 out. Part of the reason for the delay is that I’ve been moving around a lot and trying to get my footing in Los Angeles, and the other and more important reason is that Ann Sterzinger kept sounding like an alien broadcasting from inside of an echo tube flying through outer space, and we couldn’t figure out why. However, we switched our recording process, and whadaya know? Ann and David Cole both sound great, and now I sound like I’m inside of a garbage can.

Of course, you probably don’t care about that since you listen to the show for Ann and David and probably skip through the parts where I talk; but it is annoying considering that David and I are literally sitting next to each other and sharing a microphone.

Anyway, a lot has happened in the month that we’ve been away. Some of it is personal, such as the release of Ann’s new book, Disaster Fitness (buy, buy, buy!) and our friend and listener David McPheeters shooting someone in the back five times. Some of it is pop-cultural, such as this shitty rap metal band called Stray From the Path making an anti-AltRight video, which I actually wrote a piece about, and Shia LeBeouf getting arrested for drunken and disorderly conduct and his tirade against a couple of police officers. And some is political, such as CNN’s near implosion and Donald Trump Jr.’s emails.

We also talk about sex and poop.

The band featured in this week’s Sounds of Marshabaloosh is none other than Dream Machine, who not only are an awesome psychedelic heavy rock band, but were kicked off of their label for statements they made about illegal immigrants, feminism and political correctness. If you want more info on them, read my interview with guitarist/singer Matthew Melton. The Dream Machine song we feature is called “Buried Alive” and is from their album, The Illusion, which you can listen to here.

The artwork, which comes from The King of Comedy, was suggested by a fan and then handed over to another fan, who prefers not to be named, but did the awesome Photoshop artwork. Once again, the song at the end is “The Diet Has Failed” by the Yesticles.

Rap Metal Against Racism

limp_bizkit_antifaProbably the stupidest, yet longest lasting argument in the punk rock underground is whether a person can listen to a band in spite what they stand for. I remember getting chastised for professing my love for… ready for this… BAD BRAINS. One would think that being a fan of the Bad Brains, the all black punk band from Washington, D.C., would be the ultimate virtue signal, right?

Nope. As it turns out, the Bad Brains weren’t too fond of homos, and they weren’t quiet about it either. They attacked fellow hardcore bands like the Dicks, the Big Boys and Hüsker Dü for being “bloodclot faggots.” See, the Bad Brains adopted Rastafarian culture, and one thing the Rastafarians, much like the Muslims, can’t stand are “bloodclot faggots.” Now, does that matter to me personally? Of course not. I just like their music; super tight and fast hardcore punk with metal riffs and the occasional reggae jam thrown in. Most of the time I can’t even understand what they’re saying.

But I was yelled at for being one of those guys who “only cares about the music.” I’M NOT KIDDING. I was accused of not being righteous enough, of ONLY caring that I liked the music. You can probably assume that, for some of these people, listening to Skrewdriver is completely out of the question. I’ve talked about Skrewdriver before, but as a refresher, they were a 70s punk band that dressed like skinheads and released a couple of singles and one album of normal, generic, but still pretty catchy punk rock before their singer, Ian Stuart, continued to use the name with a whole new set of backing musicians and reinvented them as a white power band. And musically speaking, they’re okay.

Actually this type of thought policing has become pretty common in punk rock and other underground music genres; among other things, it has lead to bands being thrown off festivals and out of gigs for allegedly having “nefarious” views. “What? Your band was released by THAT label?” “You were seen hanging out with THAT guy?” “I KNOW what those symbols REALLY stand for, bucko! We’re hip to your game!”

Hey look! Here’s Wattie from the Exploited hanging out with what looks like a Nazi skinhead.

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But look at this! Here he is hanging out with a black guy wearing a Motörhead t-shirt!

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Well, fuck me sideways! Which one is it? Is he a Nazi, or is he not a Nazi? I don’t know, and I won’t ever again be able to listen to the Exploited until this issue is resolved.

Sadly, with such a low bar set on the quality of the music, and such a high bar set on “social justice”, the question I have for Antifas, punk rockers and other underground music weirdos is, “how SHITTY will you let your music get provided that the band shares your views?” Case in point, this brand spanking new video from a band called Stray From the Path. Go ahead, watch the video. I dare ya!

Not sure how far you got into video, but it’s not good. First, there’s the music. After a few bars of pick slides going up and down the guitar neck set to a funky drum beat, the singer, who (perhaps ironically) has a similar haircut to Milo Yiannopoulos and sounds like the singer from Rage Against the Machine, shouts “you just got knocked the fuck out!”; then a generic, overly-compressed, nu-metal riff plays behind his whiny, white boy rapping. Some of the phrases I could make out in the song include “fist held high”, “punishment fits the crime”, “racist President”, “it’s 2017”, “eye for an eye”, “that’s what he said”, “fuck him, and fuck you too”…

…did he just say, “we used to never let these dickheads have any control”? Which “dickheads” is he talking about? Is he implying that, back in the day, his righteous peeps, who don’t look like their older than 25, never let the Nazi skinheads have control of a venue?

Back up the train, negro. Since I was 14 years old, back in the late 90s, I started going to shows at Harpos in Detroit, where I saw Gwar (where my ex Melissa fucked Dave “Oderus Urungus” Brockie!), the Misfits (with Michale Graves, the place was packed!), the Dead Kennedys (with Brandon Cruz, only about 20 people showed up!), Danzig, Clutch, Corrosion of Conformity, Manowar, Motörhead, Cradle of Filth, Rotting Christ, Usurper, Six Feet Under, Murphy’s Law, Cannibal Corpse and even heavy metal’s number one homo ROB MOTHERFUCKING HALFORD. The place was known as a hangout for neo-Nazis, and I’ve even met a few. Someone told me a story where a bunch of Nazi skinheads started fights and pushed people around at G.B.H. and Napalm Death shows since both of those bands are openly anti-racist. At the Danzig gig, I saw a bunch of them doing Hitler salutes. Now, is chunky Milo implying in the video that he and his peeps would have taken a stand against these guys, many of whom are built like linebackers and either fresh out of or on the way to prison? I’m sure that would have worked out REALLY well.

…other choice passages from the song include “preach hate”, “what makes you think that you’re the superior race?!” and of course the very original “NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF!!!”.

But secondly, and barring the fact that the band members don’t look too different from what many AltRighters look like, the video tells the story in which a guy in a MAGA hat goes into his home, where he has a Hitler poster and a bunch of swastikas on his wall and a TV playing clips of Richard Spencer at one of his “identitarian” conferences, and plan some sort of terrorist attack, only to have his plans foiled by “brave” anti-racist “activists”, who break into his home, mug him at gun point, beat him down, tie him up and tattoo a swastika onto his forehead.

I mean, I can’t even. Andy Nowicki and I disagree over which is the more important problem with the video; that it sets up a ridiculous straw man, saying it’s okay to beat up anybody who you perceive to be a Nazi, which Richard Spencer is most certainly not (they could have at least gotten it right and put Andrew Anglin on the TV) or that the song sucks ding dongs. I say the latter. As of this writing, the “Goodnight Alt-Right” video has received 16,301 dislikes (one of which is mine, thank ya very much!) and 2,960 likes. It’s not totally clear if most viewers of the video don’t agree with the message, just think the song blows or both. If you want a video with a stupid, “anti-Nazi” message that’s set to a good song by a good band, click here! At least the Off! video resembles a grindhouse flick and has Brian Posehn, Dave Foley and David Yow playing Nazis in it.

But the question I have for the Antifas, punks and underground music weirdos is: are you okay with rap metal just as long as they don’t do it just for the nookie?

 

What, No Thanks for the Narcissistic Supply?

lisa_langloisBefore you ask, “why are you wasting so much time writing about a person who you allegedly don’t care about?”, the reason is because my readers demand this kinda trashy stuff, and I don’t wanna disappoint ’em! You may now continue.

A former friend of mine is the stupidest, laziest and least creative narcissist I have ever known. Rather than channeling her attention whoring skills into getting a writing job at Slate, Salon or Buzzfeed or starting a youtube channel, where she could utilize her button-covered denim jacket and layers of cat-eye makeup to become the punk rock Laci Green or someone equally as annoying, she spends every waking (woke?) minute of her day on social media posting about how “outraged” she is at the “patriarchy” and “rape culture” and “manspreading” and “mansplaining” and all of the other goofy nonsense umpteenth-wave feminists invented so they could have something to feel righteous about. In fact, she’s so desperate for righteousness points, that she fails to realize that, in an effort to “raise awareness”, she causes all of the “sexist” and “racist” articles she posts to get more clicks, helping turn their authors into mini-celebrities. It’s through HER, that I first learned of Matt Forney, who I now consider a friend. So, thanks, Br(redacted).

I actually blocked this person along with everyone I used to be friends with that jumped aboard the leftist SJW bandwagon and considers Donald Trump to be Hitler/the Antichrist/etc. etc. etc. because having people like that on your Facebook friend list is a liability. You post something; that person comments on your post; you respond with anything that could be interpreted as “hate speech”; someone reports you; and you spend a month in Facebook jail, not being able to comment on people’s posts or respond to messages. You’re like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense; people wonder if you’re ignoring them, and you’re forced to start a second, third and forth FB account to keep in touch with them and peddle your wears. On top of that, leftists/liberals/SJWs have such thin skin, that you’ll get an angry mob that doesn’t have a clue about politics attacking you as a person, rather than trying to refute any of your well thought out points. Some of my favorite responses from these people are “kill yourself”, “delete your account” and “stop talking.” This all comes from people who consider themselves adults. Interacting with them is just not worth the hassle.

But apparently there isn’t much going on in Grand Rapids these days because the person that I’m talking about in this piece decided many years after we stopped talking to broadcast my current activities to her Facebook community by posting a recent Guardian article in which I’m quoted. I know it’s not exactly secret information, but how did she stumble upon it? Is she an avid reader of The Guardian? More importantly, why did she care enough to broadcast it to her little world? And EVEN MORE importantly, why did her little community feel the need to respond so passionately? One guy said I’m a white supremacist, and one guy said that I’m not rock ‘n’ roll (SLAM). It’s definitely flattering that so many people think of me years after I stopped living there and even more flattering that people feel so disgusted at the notion that I help David Cole organize events for people in Hollywood who hold “unpopular” views that could cause them to lose jobs in the film industry; I mean, GOD FORBID you talk about balancing the budget, shrinking the size of the federal government or supporting a more sensible, less debilitating immigration policy.

So, a week or two after I learned about this through a mutual friend, I sent the person on who this piece is based a little message in an attempt to advertise the Savage Hippie podcast to her friends, while also attempting to prove that she really IS that big of an attention whore.

Can you guess what she did?!

Now, GRANTED, my message wasn’t exactly charming, cute or clever. I told her how a “little birdie” told me that she was thinking about me and my activities, and I talked about the Savage Hippie podcast, mentioning both David and Ann and what they did, and for shits and giggles, I threw in this little story about our loyal listener, David McPheeters, who is going to be doing time for shooting someone in the back five times somewhere in Jacksonville, FL.

In response, she reported me to the Zuck, claiming that I threatened her. Neither David, nor Ann, nor anybody I asked perceived my message as threatening in any way. Creepy? Maybe. Unnecessary? Well, I mean, without it, I wouldn’t be able to write this piece for you, my lovely readers. The powers that be at Facebook didn’t think it was threatening either, otherwise I’d be in FB jail right now or at least would have gotten some sort of warning; she’ll probably chalk up my not getting thrown in FB jail to the “patriarchy” not taking the complaints of women seriously.

But was reporting me to Facebook enough for her? Take a lucky guess, cowboy.

She posted my private message on her Facebook wall, blasting it into the feeds of her two and a half thousand loyal followers; and hoo boy… there were calls for my death and my beat down and plenty of vitriol to go around for 150 or so comments/responses. One former friend suggested contacting my employer. Sorry, Sarah, but my “employer”, David Cole, wants to kill me more than you do. One person was the aging goth skank I wrote about in a different piece, who gives a mighty fine performance in bed, gives a blowjob to boot and got me beat up. She said she’d punch me herself this time; please do, but only after another blowjob and romp between the sheets. And one person even posted my phone number so people could text and harass me. Apparently their outrage wasn’t THAT sincere since I only received texts from two people; one of whom called me “a ignorant pig” (it’s “a ignint pig”, thank you very much!) and one who demanded I send a private apology. All while I was watching the Melvins! Can you believe the nerve of people trying to interrupt my Melvins concert experience?! I mean they were covering “Sacrifice” by Flipper! You don’t interrupt that.

But, let’s be honest here; rather than me send HER an apology, shouldn’t she send ME a thank you message? I mean, without me, she wouldn’t have gotten ALL of this attention from her Facebook followers, many of which are men ready to do her bidding. Especially now that she’s divorced, something she felt the need to broadcast to the whole world. I’m sure ALL of those guys coming to your aid are doing so just as “friends”, and want nothing in return… even if you were willing to give it to them.

So, I’m torn. Should I send a phony apology with this piece attached, have a mutual friend send it to her or hope that she stumbles upon it? In any of these cases, I certainly hope she sees it because I wouldn’t mind the Savage Hippie blog getting a few extra clicks.

Also, can someone ask the two Johns which band they like more: Big Star or the Raspberries. I’ve been mulling it over in my mind for the past week, and I was just wondering what they thought.

The Red Pill

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I’m truly thrilled that The Red Pill, the documentary from Cassie Jaye about her “journey” from being a feminist to not being a feminist via the Men’s Rights movement, has received an 8.7 on IMDB and a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. Honestly, I am. It means people are opening their eyes and starting to listen to something other than the mainstream, “women is so oppressed” narrative.

But let’s be honest here; unless you’re an anorexic, nerdy sissy boy, who only hung out with kinda cute, glasses wearing hipster gurlz, the ones that LOVED being your friend, but made you wonder why YOU’RE always being friend-zoned in favor of guys with a fraction of your intelligence, and THEN made you feel GUILTY for complaining about it, there is nothing particularly groundbreaking about The Red Pill. The movie treats feminism as if it’s the main problem in our society, rather than one of the many weapons used by the cultural Marxist and globalist beast to try to destroy Western civilization; in fact, the notion that it could even BE a left/right, or rather globalist/anti-globalist issue, isn’t even touched upon. I’ve never considered myself a Men’s Rights activist. Many of the figureheads in the men’s movement don’t even see it as a left/right issue. I’ve actually known many “anti-feminist” men who don’t realize that feminism IS a form of leftism, and that supporting anyone on the left IS supporting the very ideology they say they’re against. Or to put it more succinctly, A Voice for Men editor Dean Esmay’s support for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump in the 2016 election is tantamount to a civil rights leader in the 1960s supporting George Wallace.

There is a segment that lasts all of one minute – among 120 of them – that addresses how, in the 60s, the equality warriors switched their target from capitalism to patriarchy, but it’s so dinky, that one wonders why Jaye even bothered putting it in the movie in the first place.

But if we’re going to REALLY be addressing the elephants in the room, and if above all else, film is a visual medium, where the images are intended to elicit a reaction, it’s actually kind of infuriating watching shots of the cutie Cassie Jaye, who resembles a plumper, rounder Christina Applegate – don’t worry, Cassie, I wouldn’t make you lose 15 lbs. to have a seat on MY casting couch – interviewing pathetic looking, depressing old men, as they tell their stories about losing everything to a system that’s stacked against them.  I mean, JUST THE FACT that she’s IN the frame with them getting all misty eyed, listening to them talk about how they got royally screwed, while not addressing how incredibly privileged she is in our society by being blessed with hotness, struck me as painfully disingenuous. I mean, sheeyit, lady, you may be a narcissist, but do you have to make it that obvious? But who knows? Maybe this will lead to other women joining in an anti-feminist insurrection.

In The Red Pill, Jaye interviews key figures in the Men’s Rights movement; honestly the only ones I recognized were Paul Elam, Dean Esmay and Karen Straughan; I’m too lazy to look up the rest of ’em. One of them was a 60s male feminist, but changed tracks when he realized all that “freedom” women achieved by tossing off the “shackles” of their normal, middle class lives in favor of becoming spinsters and cat ladies didn’t provide the satisfaction they once imagined it would. But basically, we learn about all of the typical men’s rights talking points; women who trick men by not taking their birth control and enslaving them to a life of child support payments; men who see their coffers depleted in custody battles only to get to see their kids a couple hours a week; female on male spousal abuse not being taken seriously; male rape not being taken seriously; lighter prison sentences for women for the same crimes men committed; men working life threatening jobs to provide for their families only to be told they’re oppressing women; the male/female wage gap myth; and of course there’s a bit of male circumcision thrown in at the end for all the mondo fans. Don’t tell the Jews, though; they may get this movie shut down in your town (psst, I’m allowed to say that because I am one)!!!

We’re also given the counterpoints to these arguments from some harpy at Ms. magazine, some gay Jewish guy and of course the loud, shrill and obnoxious Big Red, who kinda resembles my former friend Sarah.

But another thing that bothered me about the movie is that it didn’t really address how feminism negatively affects women. Maybe Cassie Jaye hasn’t learned about hypergamy yet or that the only things feminism really accomplished was making it easier for men to get laid since it made women sluttier, while boosting the sales for antidepressants and keeping pet store owners in business. At VERY least, Jaye addresses that getting catcalled and having to look pretty (aww, poor baby) don’t really seem to be that big of problems in comparison with getting crushed to death in a coal mine avalanche, getting blown to bits on a battle field or having your life savings drained. And hey, in about 20 years, once the flesh starts to sag and wrinkles start to show, she won’t even HAVE to worry about getting catcalled.

A decade ago, when I was at Grand Valley State University, I picked up a book from the women’s center called Transforming a Rape Culture. At the time, I thought it was the stupidest thing I’d ever seen, and most people balked at the suggestion that all men are rapists or predisposed to commit rape. Also, apparently it wasn’t considered “oppressive” to refer to slutty women as sluts; it was just honest. In fact, I LOVE sluts! They put out the quickest, and thanks to all that female empowerment, they’re not just damaged women with daddy issues! All of this was before Obama was even President. A lot has changed since then. Men can now put on dresses and call themselves women; women who get gang-banged by twenty dudes are considered “empowered”; men who ask women on dates can be accused of sexual assault; man, has society progressed! Thank you Cassie Jaye for setting the clock back about ten years.

Boys Are Boys, Girls Are Choice and Girls Will Never Be Boys

If the left can politicize everything, than goddamn it, so can I! Below is a video of the Monks performing their classic “Boys Are Boys and Girls Are Choice.”

The song is from their 1966 LP, Blank Monk Time, one of the many fine additions to the more obscure cannon of 60s rock, right along side The Village Fugs Sing Ballads of Contemporary Protest, Point of Views and General Dissatisfaction and The Fugs by the Fugs, The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators and Easter Everywhere by the 13 Floor Elevators, The Seeds and A Web of Sound by the Seeds and Here Are the Sonics!!! and Boom by the Sonics.

You can read all of the Monks’ biographical trivia at their Wikipedia page. The important thing to know is that they dressed like monks when they performed, and they had a unique approach to the two and half minute song formula that focused on rhythmic hooks and utilized the fun “chinka-chinka” sound of Dave Day’s banjo, somehow making the songs so stupidly catchy that there are times when I could listen to Black Monk Time on repeat for days at a clip. Also their sound influenced the deliberately repetitive “vamping” of German “kraut rock” bands like Can and Neu!, and the Fall site the Monks as a huge influence and have covered several of their songs.

Now, obviously, there’s nothing political about the song “Boys Are Boys and Girls Are Choice”; it’s just a song about the joy of being a guy going after a girl (presumably when it was more fun and wouldn’t get you accused of rape). But in the current year, when “transgender” freaks are pushing an agenda that says a person can now choose his, her or its gender, rather being ASSIGNED a gender at birth by, ya know, having a set of cock ‘n’ balls or a wet, oozing vagina, the song BECOMES political.

On top of that, it celebrates heterosexuality; I mean, if you’re a straight guy, girls are choice, aren’t they? Provided they’re not fat or ugly, that is. And don’t get mad at me for saying that; being fat and ugly are problems that are relatively easy to fix.

Ironically the people at Light in the Attic records, who released phenomenal vinyl and CD reissues of Black Monk Time, probably think I’m a “transphobic” bigot for writing this piece. Or maybe they too secret believe in the song’s message and are trying to push the Monks’ evil and vile agenda.

Cruisin’ on the Dream Machine: an interview with Matthew Melton

dream_machine_the_illusionAs I sit in Starbucks, sucking the bandwidth off their free wifi signal while not actually buying anything (yeah, screw the man!), listening to the hypnotic, psychedelic fuzz rock of The Illusion, the debut LP from Dream Machine, I ask myself, “isn’t it strange how nearly half a century ago, the first Coven album, Witchcraft Destroys Minds & Reaps Souls, was deleted by the record label that put it out only a month after they released it because they were worried about the shock and outrage it would have generated among Christian conservatives in America?” My mind continues to wander, and similarly I think, “isn’t it crazy how the same year that the first Coven album came out, the MC5 got in a WHOLE heap of shit just for shouting ‘kick out the jams, motherfuckers!’ at the beginning of the title track on their first album?” Times sure have changed since Kick Out the Jams had to be hidden behind the counters at records shops; because of ONE word, kids had to show that they were at least 18 years old if they wanted to buy it!

And ain’t it a hoot how, when I was talking to someone who worked at a record shop in Grand Rapids, he told me that all the parents were freaked out that their kids were listening to these new fandangled bands with names like Black Sabbath and Alice Cooper, who apparently worshiped the devil, sacrificed animals onstage… or possibly even PEOPLE!!!

And I think, “what would piss off, shock and outrage the kids and adults of the current year?” Self mutilation? Done. Onstage defecation? Done. Throwing bloody tampons at the crowd? Done. Inverted crosses and pentagrams? Done. Putting a dildo up Jesus’ anus? Done, done and done again! Defecating on a drawing of the Prophet Muhammad while burning the Koran and wearing Indian feathers and a yarmulke? Okay, that one hasn’t been done yet. But Dream Machine might as well have done it considering the quagmire they put themselves in when guitarist/singer Matthew Melton, formerly of the power-pop band Warm Soda, and keyboardist/singer and Melton’s wife Doris openly bashed the United States’ liberal immigration policies, political correctness and feminism.

They soon found themselves getting booted from their record label, Castle Face records, and forced to fend for themselves in a sea of politically correct hipster hostility, which is one of the reasons they left their hometown of Austin, TX to Amsterdam. Their story became something of a cause celebre for people on the right or just anyone fed up with stifling political correctness, and it appears that many people have come to their defense; albeit privately for fear that they too will get a mob of anorexic, glasses and skinny jean wearing nerds or bearded fatsos on their asses.

The music on The Illusion is catchy as heck; the male Melton plays heavy, fuzzed to hell guitar riffs; the female Melton waxes speedy and melodic on what sounds like a Farfisa; the two alternate on lead vocals; the songs are all short; and the whole thing will send you on a 1968 time warp to some dimly lit, underground catacomb, where a bunch of stoned out hippies gyrate to flashing strobe lights; ya know, like the Alice Cooper scene in Diary of a Mad Housewife. Oh and Doris kinda resembles Michelle Phillips from the Mamas & the Papas.

I interviewed Matthew Melton via email, and he gave me well thought out, lucid answers that are remarkably bold considering how sensitive the dweebs in the music scene really are; fer Chrissakes, I got booted from a Melvins group for dissing on ambient noise music and professing my love for the Nuge. Sorry for setting the emperor’s clothes on fire, dudez. If it were 1975, and he were Eric Clapton, then maybe Melton’s views would not be so bold. But that was then, and this is now. In a culture where every form of degeneracy is permitted and celebrated, there seems to be a bit of an insurrection going on….

Savage Hippie: Let’s get the juicy stuff out of the way. You were recently kicked off of Castle Face records for making some “ugly” remarks. In one of your interviews, your keyboardist and singer Doris is quoted as saying, “The choice to move to Europe was guided by a lot of factors. American musicians (hopefully not Europe too) are getting increasingly politically correct and it started getting on our nerves.” And then you say, “So excited to be moving to Europe, but I will always consider myself a red-blooded American. And just like the waves of refugees pouring into Europe I will also not be learning any new languages or culturally assimilating.” And later still, Doris says, “I agree with Matthew on that. ICE is just doing their job, and I’m glad they’re finally starting to work on deporting criminal illegal aliens too. It took ages for me to get my green card here legally and because there’s so many illegals coming in they make it hard for the people who do want to become part of American society the right way. They’re handing out free money to people who come here illegally, but when you want to work hard to become an American citizen to start a family they make it so hard on you, and expensive!” You HAD to have known what kind of response you would get from an overly sensitive music scene, so why the loose tongue?

Dream Machine: Whether or not we knew it at the time, our interview ended up being a modern day political correctness test for society which a lot of people failed miserably. Even when we look at it now, all we really expressed was that we want to live in a place governed by law and order where people haven’t gone completely insane with political correctness. The people who freaked out so much did so mostly because of accumulated political frustration and peer pressure. The reason that we know that it was a fake outrage and nothing more than mere social media virtue signaling, is because we didn’t receive a single email from an upset person asking for any clarification, discussion, explanation, or condemnation for any part of our interview. Not even one! If people were genuinely concerned with things we said, someone would have reached out to say: “Hey man, what’s up with that?” or “We hate you guys” or SOMETHING! We feel completely vindicated because the backlash completely proved our point about how Facebook has become an echo chamber vortex that breeds reactionary weaklings. Most of the people who were freaking out so much are the same ones that adamantly defend modern technology to the death, unable to see the damage it is causing to our general well being and independent thought. We saw a couple the other day at a bus stop and the lady was holding up an iPad to her husband open to another couples profile shouting: “Why aren’t we happy like they are!” I think it’s actually a very serious problem, I could go on and on about it. 

Savage Hippie: Similarly, those remarks might have gained you some new fans from the political right. Are you happy to embrace any fans of your music even if their views might not be completely kosher? Clearly Dream Machine isn’t a political band, but do you guys stand for any parties, politicians or views, or do you basically keep that stuff to yourselves?

Dream Machine: At the end of the day, we consider ourselves musicians, not politicians and we don’t affiliate with any political or ideological party but we’d most likely fit in best as libertarians. People on the right will like us because we reject the poisonous group think of the alt-left which has become nothing less than a cult of unthinking zombies. That’s why we decided to oppose Facebook from the beginning, because it is the arena that the regressive left uses to radicalize their unsuspecting subjects while at the same time rendering their lives disharmonic and subservient. You don’t need a political affiliation to know that you need to avoid that! It’s common sense. 

Savage Hippie: According to another interview, you released The Illusion on Castle Face records, referring to the owners as your “homies.” Do you still consider them your homies? Did you phone ’em and say, “what the fuck guys? Thought you had our backs?”

Dream Machine: I did at one point, I mean they released 6 albums of my music over a period of several years. But it’s clear that they reacted out of fear and now I honestly feel bad for them now because so many people noticed the integrity they lost by kicking me to the curb in an attempt to appear virtuous to their customer base. It may have worked partially how they had hoped but it mostly backfired in their face. It worked out for us in the end because we gained such an overwhelming outreach from thousands of new fans, record labels, booking agents, etc and we’ve already ended up getting more exposure than we would have staying with Castle Face. Another weird factor in all this is that so many hundreds of people including other artists on their label and people in the music scene reached out to us expressing how they felt what they did was a pathetic move and they completely support us and saw nothing wrong with common sense opinions we gave, but also said that they could not speak publicly about it for fear of facing scrutiny from the angry mob. At least we were able to create a discussion so people can see for themselves which side of history they want to be on. 

Savage Hippie: Running through your music is a sort of, how do I say it, anti-degeneracy message? Once again, quoting Doris, she says, “The people I see here in Austin sleep with a different person every week. It just doesn’t make sense to me. When you sleep with that many people it can’t mean anything, it has to be meaningless. Everything is meaningless nowadays.” Seems like there’s almost a Christian message running through your music, or maybe not? Do you worry people will say you guys are a buncha squares, or do you fundamentally advocate monogamy over the sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle that other bands in the “scene” seem to be all about?

Dream Machine: We are on the cusp of a polar shift in thinking. We looked around only to observe that the way people are living today is not bringing them happiness but misery and emptiness. The group think mentality of social media is largely to blame; You stare into the screens long enough and you begin to lose perspective and your reality becomes warped. We aren’t classically religious, but if you pause and consider where we are going as a civilization, what the future might look like going down the neo-liberal path, it doesn’t look very good to us. It’s what I would envision the roman empire to have been like right before they got destroyed. Everyone becomes so glutinous and decadent and they are too busy guzzling wine and having orgies to care or notice that their civilization is crumbling all around them. We are reaching a point where radical neo-leftism has become the mainstream, and conservatism becomes the new counter-culture. Now it literally feels rebellious to be starting a family with my wife. We’ve come full circle. 

Savage Hippie: All right, ENOUGH with political questions; let’s get down to the music. Why did you leave Warm Soda, and do you have plans on going back to them? I take it Dream Machine is a full time band and not a side project.

Dream Machine: Warm Soda had fully run it’s course. I mean once you make 4 albums that sounds almost exactly the same you know it’s time to try something different or you end up making wallpaper music. Dream Machine is our full time operation now and it’s already off to an interesting start! 

Savage Hippie: Since the obvious reference points to a lot of people are going to be Iron Butterfly, Blue Cheer, the Doors and maybe Jefferson Airplane… would that cover it, or was there anything else specifically you were influenced by? I mean, I’d die if you said you were influenced by Power of Zeus or Black Widow.

Dream Machine: Our influences include Power of Zeus, Birth Control, Curved Air, Lucifer’s Friend, Eloy and Gun! (editors note: I had never before heard of the German progressive rock band Birth Control. Their album Operation is awesome! Thanks Matthew!)

Savage Hippie: Also I looked all over the site, but I couldn’t find out who the bassist and drummer are in the “I Walked in the Fire” video. Is that info somewhere, or are you keeping them anonymous?

Dream Machine: We had already let our band mates go before any of this controversy came up because we are moving to Europe and we found a new European rhythm section. Our bass player in the USA couldn’t commit to the European tour because of his job so we figured it made the most sense to start a new group over there.

Savage Hippie: In your interview you say, “The debut Dream Machine album is like a warm up compared to the 2nd album we are arranging now which is completely piano based.” What like, there aren’t going to be any geetarz on it? Don’t tell me you’re going to turn into Emerson, Lake and Palmer or the first Atomic Rooster LP!

Dream Machine: It’s got guitars, we just meant that we were writing the album mostly on the piano, not recording it that way. We are in the middle of it right now and there are some heavy rocking songs on there. Think if Atomic Rooster had one Hell’s Angel in the band on guitar. We just recorded the drums and bass for the whole thing, now starting to add in guitars, piano, organ, synth, vocals, etc. I think people will be happy with our new album, It definitely blows the first one away.

Can’t wait to hear it! \m/

Get their stuff from Fuzz City records.

Listen to The Illusion on their Bandcamp page.

Watch their video:

But DON’T look for ’em on Facebook because you ain’t gonna find ’em there!