White, Male Privilege? Heck No! We’re ALL Oppressed! What’s Oppressing Me This Week

me_gun_rules_for_radicalsKilled a chance at a date with a mediocre, but passable looking girl when I was too honest about my views.  Oh well, who cares.  I got to jump out of a plane, so life isn’t all bad.  I mean, it’s still pretty bad, which is why I’m here to tell you for the second week in a row how I’M oppressed!  So, without further ado, here are 40 things that are oppressing me this week.

 

1. Lucy not having a beer with me and the boys this afternoon

2. The bartender at the Irish bar squeezing out a free Fireball out of me just by being cute and flirty

3. Not having my awesome post about Jello Biafra’s retarded “Nazi Trumps Fuck Off” song go viral

4. Losing a date because I was too honest about my political views.

5. Missing the Greg Gutfeld show again.

6. Back on Black’s reissue of In Search of Space by Hawkwind that doesn’t have the cut-outs and fold-outs of the original.

7. Jews who don’t support Donald Trump

8. People in general who don’t support Donald Trump
9. Not getting to witness firsthand the shit storm that went down when Milo Yianoppolous spoke at DePaul University.

10. Overpriced Nomeansno CD’s on amazon.com

11. Girls who go on dating sites just for the attention

12. The new Captain America story arc, where, all of a sudden, he’s been a Nazi all these years.

13. Realizing that democracy doesn’t work for up to 49% of the population

14. Realizing that, if I want a good looking girl, she’s probably not going to be a smart girl

15. Realizing that girls who think of themselves as “smart” are usually leftists

16. Needing to explicitly point out that I have a preference for women who were born women

17. Having to wait until Wednesday for the Aderall prescription to get filled

18. Mia Farrow haircuts

19. People who think I am somehow more privileged than a black man who has millions of dollars

20. Black people who have millions of dollars, but claim that they’re actually oppressed in any way

21. The fact that Christina Hoff Sommers refers to herself as a feminist

22. The fact that Boris Johnson’s real first name isn’t actually Boris

23. The fact that I could still be arrested for pretending to be a woman so I can gawk at naked women in the women’s locker room at Planet Fitness… but not for long!

24. Not being able to walk in my neighborhood at night because I might step in goose poop

25. Not seeing an all female remake of the original, 1975 Ghostbusters TV show, ya know, the one with the gorilla

26. When girls claim to be “sarcastic”

27. Post-metal

28. Fat girls who can’t deal with the real reason men don’t find them attractive (because they’re fat)

29. This goddamn humidity

30. Women who report cases of rape to the media, rather than the police

31. Wheelchair basketball

32. Pulling ages old gum off of “gross out” baseball stickers.
weird_baseball_cards

33. People who think it’s bigoted to be anti-Islam after watching Muslims blow people up

34. People who think gun violence is an epidemic anywhere other than inner city ghettos

35. People who think there’s a difference between calling someone “colored” and “a person of color”

36. Libertarians who get really excited about which candidate will represent them when it doesn’t actually matter

37. Hot girls who get away with saying dumb shit because they’re hot

38. Generic, “philosophical” memes from people you’re friendly with, but who aren’t smart enough to know that their musings are on the level of first graders

39. People who feel bad about dropping nukes on Japan during WWII

40. Needing to poop in the middle of good sex

White Trumps on Dope, an Open Letter to Jello Biafra

jello_biafra_trumpIf you were ever 14 and didn’t go through a Dead Kennedys phase, you are one sad kid.  The Dead Kennedys are a wicked, sick killer band.  Their songs are ferociously hooky, and the musicianship of guitarist East Bay Ray, bassist Klaus Flouride and drummers Ted (a.k.a. Bruce Slesinger) and D.H. Pelligro eschews the notion that “punk bands can’t play.”  On top of all that, you have liberal loudmouth yahoo, Eric “Jello Biafra” Bouchard’s quivering, clown like vibrato caustically waxing about a dystopic future dominated by corporate interests, where the average American is nothing more than a cog in a machine and enters the workforce only to be spit out the other end when his productivity has expired.

In addition to bashing corporations and Republicans, Biafra takes swipes at “jocks”, “goons”, “hicks”, “racists” and basically anybody who is white and male.  Before I even read The Redneck Manifesto, I found it strange that, for someone who allegedly cares about the “everyman”, Biafra sure likes to make low-ball attacks on the po’ white folk in songs like “Winnebago Warrior” or “Goons of Hazard.”  Hell the latest album by his current band, Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine (oh, ho ho!), is called White People and the Damage Done.  What’s with the formalities?  Why not just call it Kill All the White People?  Or maybe that’s so unsubtle that people would think it’s a joke.

But, I do respect the man and his band’s uphill struggle against censorship.  I also find it ironic that it’s someone on the left who tried to destroy his career after the Dead Kennedys inserted the H.R. Giger painting, Landscape XX, into the sleeve of the Frankencrhist LP.  I found it doubly ironic that he’s spent his career defending free speech in an era when it was people on his side that are trying to kill it with political correctness.

And then he pulls this shit.  “Nazi Trump Fuck Off”?!  Like are you fucking serious?  For those not in the know, the Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off”, a minute long blast of raging hardcore that attacked assholes on the scene who liked to start fights and beat people up in the pit, was originally released on their 1981 EP In God We Trust, Inc.  Later on, as Nazi Skinheads became a regular fixture in the punk, hardcore and metal scenes of the 80s and 90s, the song seemed actually kind of prescient and important.  By 2016, as occurrences of neo-Nazi gang beatings are practically non-existent in most punk scenes, the song has lost all relevance outside of being a fun blast of hardcore with a well meaning, but otherwise, completely safe message.

So, then I have to ask: is Biafra THAT stupid or is he so damn desperate to keep the pulse on the finger of the young “punx”, a subculture that’s nearing its fortieth year and has all but been turned into a leftist recruitment tool, that he’s willing to pull out Godwin’s law, internet-meme level, stupid tropes like “Trump’s a Nazi” in order to keep the spiky haired fan base tuned in?  And on top of that, are they so stupid that they actually believe him?

Don’t answer that question.

Anyone who pays attention to what Trump has said knows that that man is not only NOT a Nazi, he doesn’t even care about abortions, gay marriage, marijuana or transgender issues;  he literally answers questions about all of these topics with something along the lines of, “I will, but I won’t, but I care, but I don’t.”  Translation: “I just want close the border, end trade deals and not let Syrian refugees in the country.  Other than that, do whatever the heck you want.”  In fact, many strict, hard-liner evangelicals say he’s not conservative enough.

Trump’s contentious views regard illegal immigrants, most of whom are Mexican, and Syrian “refugees”, most of whom are male and Muslim.  No matter how Biafra wants to cut and slice it, most Americans feel the immigration system is broken; they don’t like sanctuary cities, immediate citizenship upon birth or how their cities are turning into Spanish speaking barrios; they wouldn’t like it if their cities were turning into Polish speaking ghettos either.  On top of that, many Americans don’t feel comfortable with letting 10,000 Syrian refugees, people who have values quite different from those of the West as evidenced by, oh, I dunno, incidents in Europe ranging from the raping of a bunch of women in Cologne to the blowing up of the Bataclan in Paris, into the United States.  It’s apparently “racist” now to want to keep your family safe.  Except that Islam isn’t a race; it’s a religion.  Wasn’t it Jello Biafra who wrote “Religious Vomit”?

All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions make me sick
All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions suck
They all claim that they have the truth
That’ll set you free
Just give ’em all your money and they’ll set you free
Free for a fee

They all claim that they have ‘the Answer’
When they don’t even know the Question
They’re just a bunch of liars
They just want your money
They just want your consciousness

[Chorus]
All religions suck
All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions suck
All religions make me wanna BLEAH

They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me sick
They really make me ILL

ALL religions, Jello.  I get it; in your estimation, ALL religions just means “Christianity and ALL of its derivations.”  But to us, Jello, that is, the people who aren’t brainwashed by cultural Marxism, “ALL religions” means you can’t play favorites.  As far as we’re concerned, there’s ONE religion that we need to watch out for.  Here, let me give you a hint there, buddy:

muhammad

See that guy?  If you’re a gay person or a woman, that guy is not on your side.  If you’re a Jew, Christian or atheist, that guy is especially not on your side.  Trump wants to ban 10,000 people who believe in that guy from entering the United States, and he’s the Nazi?

I really love the Dead Kennedys.  In fact I think the rest of the band are a bunch of buffoons for hiring scabs like Brandon Cruz, Jeff Penalty and that one guy from that one band to take your spot.  I really love the records you made with Mojo Nixon, Tumor Circus, Nomeansno, D.O.A., the Melvins and even your latest band with the really stupid name.  Hell, I saw you guys twice, and Andrew Weiss killed it!  Jello, if you read this, I’m the guy who was at the show at Small’s in 2010, whose mouth you stuffed one of your rubber gloves into and then rudely shoved a mic in my face asking if I had anything “intelligent” to say.  Well, I didn’t at the time, but I do now.

You’re a coward.  Your buddies in Conflict, who wrote that great, anti-Muslim song “An Option”, on the other hand, might share your retarded, anti-Capitalist sentiment, but they at least understand that letting more Muslims into their country will increase the risk of getting killed.

The Eagles of Death Metal were performing at the Bataclan and watched people get blown up.  Gavin McInnes interviewed vocalist Jesse Hughes, who some publications have banned because of his contentious views towards Muslims.  HE WATCHED PEOPLE DIE, and now people are calling him racist.  He’s pro-Trump and he’s anti-Muslim, which means, in this day and age, he’s anti-death and pro-survival.  He’s got balls, and you don’t.

I know you’ve got a career to maintain, but, if you’re going to take on the easiest, wussiest, least edgy political stance of all time in order to keep fourteen year old kids coming to your shows, can you at least not insult my intelligence with your bullshit?

 

 

Playlist 5/20/2016

Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band – Strictly Personal
Jello Biafra with Nomeansno – The Sky Is Falling and I Want My Mommy
New York Dolls – Too Much too Soon
Dinosaur Jr. – Green Mind
Battles – Gloss Drop
Anubian Lights – The Eternal Sky
UFO – Lights Out 
Van Halen – Van Halen II
King Crimson – In the Court of the Crimson King
Megadeth – Killing Is My Business… and Business Is Good!