Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) (1969)

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I don’t even know where to start with this one.  I’m on a quest to see everything in the Something Weird library and William Edwards’ classic Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) just happened to be the next film up and, well, it’s pretty shitty.  I mean, it’s no worse than most of what I’ve seen from Something Weird and not even half as boring as say, Monster at Camp Sunshine or a number of sexploitation/nudy cutie flicks.  Hell!  It even has a special effect!  Dracula disappears and reappears!  How did they do that!?

Uh, right… so this 68 minute feature is about a vampire who dresses like Dracula yet talks in an old Jewish/Yiddish accent, which must have been a deliberate attempt at schlocky Jewish humor since the Jackal-Man character is named (sigh) Dr. Irving Jekyll.  Basically Count Alucard goes around kidnapping women, taking them back to his dungeon and biting their boobs, leaving two vampire bite holes.

His slave, Dr. Irving Jekyll does the same thing, I think.  I don’t know.  Actually, the movie is pretty darn insulting.  The vampire constantly remarks about how one of the girls he kidnaps and chains up is overweight and how another has small boobs.  Elsewhere the characters make fun of each other and there are some necking couples here and there.  There’s also some gore, which would be affective if it actually looked like gore and not piled on red slop and if a character actually looked like he wounded another character rather than just implying it before the camera cuts away.

The dubbing is also piss poor which unintentionally (or maybe not?) makes it that much funnier and the Jackal-Man just looks like he’s wearing a cheap Halloween mask.  Ohhh, crap… the Jackal-Man is supposed to be said as Irving Jackalman, hahahahahaha, oy gavolt!  Apparently this movie was dubbed into several languages, which means, I assume, that several of the Jewish jokes were lost on people.  This thing actually showed at different festivals!  It’s a fuckin’ home movie for crying out loud!

I made my friend Sarah watch this with me and she said, “Edwin, you have the shittiest taste in movies.”  And I said, “mmm, it wasn’t that bad.”

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