The Battle of Love’s Return (1971)

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Remember how when I reviewed Lloyd Kaufman’s first film, The Girl Who Returned, and I said the main reason I gave it 3 out of 4 is because I was just so excited to see an early student short from the creator of the Troma universe (don’t get me wrong, I still liked the film but don’t know how much many others would)?  Well, in this case, the 3 out of 4 grading comes from more of an objective viewpoint (well, as objective as you can be when you’re expressing your own opinion but still).  I actually do recommend the film provided that you know these two caveats: Lloyd Kaufman is a shitty actor and The Battle of Love’s Return is a Godard/Brecht inspired “art film.”

I use “art film” in ironic quotes more to attack the notion of the “art film” rather than to say that The Battle of Love’s Return isn’t art, get me?  In spite the humorous looking poster, this film is comedy in the loose sense.  There are funny moments but the overall objective, I do not think, is just to make you laugh or something.

But first, before we get to it, let me explain something.  The common folk view Troma as a z-movie company who offer nothing more than a few cheap laughs from lousy films.  The slightly more astute film watcher catches that Lloyd Kaufman is actually a good filmmaker and employs his knowledge of film history in his work, often making inside references such as the Buster Keaton gag in The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie, where the Toxic Avenger attempts to kill himself by standing in front of a tunnel anticipating getting hit by an automobile only to realize the approaching headlights come from a pair of motorcyclists who pass by on either side of him.

And then there are assholes such as me and some French people who go as far as to call Kaufman’s work Brechtian.  YOU might excuse the lack of continuity, non-seamless direction and cheap special effects as bad film making but I give my man the benefit of the doubt and say some of that is deliberate.  Or as Lloyd Kaufman once put it; “continuity is for pussies.”

So what does this have to do with The Battle of Love’s Return?  Well the film jumps back and forth between the minimal narrative to interviews with the actors.  The interviews are shot in black and white and you can hear the crew yell at Kaufman during the filming of these scenes.  The story concerns perpetual loser Abercrombie (Kaufman), who struggles at every turn to fit in, do a job correctly or just win the affections of “Dream Girl” (Lynn Lowery) who angrily calls him a joker after he attempts and fails to operate an elevator.  Elsewhere Abercrombie tries to help an old lady cross a busy street and in turn, receives her abuse.  At other times he tries to join a group of hippies and the military only to be rejected by both groups.

The narrative portions are okay but the meat of the film comes from the interviews some of which include Lynn Lowery pre-Shivers, a hippie beatnik street poet, a Socialist party member turned preacher, an adult bookstore owner and an old lady who immigrated from somewhere in Eastern Europe (I forgot the specifics since it’s been a week since I’ve seen it so I apologize for that one).  There were probably a couple others I don’t remember but I’m reproducing this from memory so don’t shoot me if I forgot anyone.

And, again, if you’re on the Easter egg hunt, look out for a young Oliver Stone somewhere in this movie.

Satanis: The Devil’s Mass (1969)

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I understand that Satanis is supposed to be viewed as camp since its video and DVD distributor is Something Weird and not Criterion.  And furthermore, this documentary about Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey is plagued with the typical problems –  mainly there are too many talking heads and it’s boring as fuck – but, if a documentary’s primary purpose is to inform and teach you something you didn’t know, then it certainly accomplished that.

I don’t take Satanism any more seriously than voodoo, white magic, black magic or witchcraft.  I throw them all in the same juvenile pot of goofiness that serves as a bit of fun on Halloween (or hell, any time!) and that’s about it.  And I’m assuming my ultra hip, post modern friends feel the same way.  However, I’m not everybody and henceforth, it’s come to my understanding that real Satanic cults have actually murdered people and there were those church burnings in Norway from the black metal kids (yeah, I know they’re not Satanists.  They’re Odinists).  And then I saw this:

If you didn’t watch the clip, basically, Anton LaVey’s daughter Zeena and her husband or fiance Nicholas Schreck are self proclaimed Satanists and Social Darwinists; they apparently held a faux-fascist rally in which they watched the video of the Tate-Labianca murders and they rationalize the Holocaust as a reaction against the Judeo-Christian influence on modern society.  And I thought; is this what Anton LaVey taught them?

NO, NO and NO again!!!

Initially, when I saw Anton LaVey’s photograph, I pictured him as a humorless “intellectual” who speaks really slowly and tries to be philosophical.  But nothing could be further from the truth!  In spite of his “evil” demeanor, he’s a jolly, slightly overweight guy who talks about the Church of Satan and his beliefs like you would talk about the football game!  I mean, he’s right isn’t he?  The Christian church makes you feel guilty for having premarital sex or being a homosexual.  And he stands against that.  All of his followers are hippie weirdos who enjoy a good ol’ romp in the sack and hanging out in dimly lit rooms.  And their attitudes are very liberal; quite the opposite of those held by his daughter and Nicholas Schreck.  At first I thought, “what got lost in translation?”  Then I realized: Zeena LaVey isn’t very smart.

Like I said, the documentary is very boring.  Out of 86 minutes, at least 30 could have been cut.  There is just too much talking!  But some of LaVey’s buddies sure are fun!  There are a couple of queers, an adorable old lady who blatantly proclaims “I hate bigotry in all its forms” and what I think is a lady but looks like Mick Jagger with saggy boobs.  And I know this because she/it did her/its interviews naked.

On the plus side we get to see inside a Satanic mass which did not include the spilling of goats blood or live human sacrifices.  Instead the mass scenes included Anton LaVey wearing a hat with devil horns, some people wearing funny Halloween masks, a few naked people leaning up against an inverted pentagram and a few folks chanting their gibberish as the proceedings went on.  Some of them even looked a little embarrassed on camera.  There’s also a segment addressing the story of when LaVey adopted a baby lion; “it was cute at first since it was like a big cat but those things grow up.”  Hahahaha!!!

The funniest segments, however, were the interviews with LaVey’s neighbors.  All of them treat him and his “church” as a case of an overgrown manchild living in a world of his own creation.  Also, why can’t he cut his damn lawn?  It’s too funny.

Hail Satan!

Maniac Cop (1988)

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This movie drove me crazy!  On one hand, I enjoyed it quite a bit as it’s a very well made horror thriller.  On the other hand, the inconsistencies had me pulling out what little hair I have on my  head and yelling, “what? how? why????”

Maniac Cop was directed by William Lustig (also known for Maniac, Maniac Cop 2 and Maniac Cop 3 among others) and he did a great job!  This is definitely a good movie with solid build-up, tense scenes and payoffs for those scenes.  There is plenty of gore for the gore fiends yet not so much as to not be able to receive that coveted “R” rating.  And of course how can you knock a movie that stars Bruce Campbell?

Given the movie’s title, it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out what it’s about.  Like any good slasher film, once the plot is established and we watch in delight as one victim after another is stalked and killed – primarily by strangulation, stabbing and cutting – we want to watch the good guys eventually figure out what the bad guy’s weaknesses are and stop him.  And that drove me crazy!  But I’ll get to that in a moment.

Three or four people get killed in the first 10 minutes; one victim is a woman outrunning muggers only to get killed by the maniac cop.  I forgot the others.  Then we’re introduced to Jack Forrest (Campbell) who is having an affair with fellow officer Theresa Mallory (Laurene Landon).  After Forrest’s wife follows her husband to a cheap motel and catches him in the act, she is found brutally murdered.  This inevitably makes Forrest a suspect for the recent killings and he and Officer Mallory go to work to figure out what’s up.

We eventually learn the history of the maniac cop; that he used to be a well liked but overzealous hard ass who went to prison for some unrevealed reason and was apparently killed.  And therein lies the rub!  What happened to him?  Is he a corpse that came back from the grave?  Is he a mad scientist’s experiment gone awry?  His makeup job is pretty good, with his face covered in scars and gashes.  But why is he impervious to bullets yet feels pain when impaled by a metal pipe?  The bullet proof vest theory is out of the question since one character shoots him in the head and he still lives.

And I don’t want to give away the ending but I’m going to have to.  He gets impaled by a spike while driving his car off a pier.  When the car is pulled up by a crane, he isn’t in it so he disappeared leaving the ending open to sequel, right?  Then, seconds later, his hand reaches out of the water.  You’re thinking, “so what?”  Let me explain why this drove me up the wall.  If he were to have just disappeared like Michael Meyers in Halloween this would be fine.  However the people were still on the scene, so ultimately what is the movie saying?  That maniac cop was too lazy to continue killing people once the credits rolled?  Do you get what I’m saying?  The characters have to believe that the bad guy is dead before the credits roll.  Otherwise the end is left completely open!  There’s no conclusion!

So, if this movie was just a cheaply made pile of crap, then I can understand this lazy plot hole.  The fact that the movie is well made and drew me in makes the plot holes that much more egregious!

Valley of the Zombies (1946)

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Nice poster, nice title but no valley and no zombies.  Not to mention no budget either.  I don’t have that much to say about this 56 minute quickie (as they used to call short movies back then) except that I wish the bad guy was played by Boris Karloff and not Robert Livingston.

The plot concerns Doctor Terry Evans (Livingston) killing people and using their blood to stay alive.  Most of the movie is just a police procedural with the film’s two main characters Fred (Earl Hogdins) and his wife/fiance Nurse Susan Drake (Lorna Gray) trying to prove their innocence after being in the scene of the crime.

If you must know the background, Dr. Maynard (Charles Trowbridge) wrongfully (or rightfully, I forgot which) diagnosed Evans as being insane and had him sent away to the looney bin, where he apparently died except that he didn’t and found some way of chemically sustaining his life.  Only he must constantly refill himself with blood and thus kills people to do so.

During most of the film the two protagonists do their own detective work Thin Man style since apparently the cops are too stupid to do it themselves.  They explore creepy houses and mausoleums while the guy leads the charge with total bravado and the girl, of course, acts frightened every time she turns her head.

But indeed, I was disappointed that the movie had no zombies.  I was hoping that Livingston would play a voodoo master.  He looks cool with his thick eyebrows, top hat and cape and he does hypnotize the leading female but, ultimately, there wasn’t enough going on even for a movie this short.  Now those RKO “sophisticated” low budget horror pictures like Cat People, The Body Snatcher and I Walked with a Zombie were good at “not showing” everything but this Republic picture ain’t like that.  It doesn’t show much and doesn’t have creepy atmosphere.  I still like some of the sets though.

Skinheads (1989)

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What great poster art!  I’m not kidding!  I don’t know who illustrated this, but it looks like the poster for a classic exploitation film, which Skinheads of course is!  Any of you SHARP, Trad or Trojan skins, who stumbled upon this post when doing a google search for “skinheads”, please know that I’m well aware of the original skinhead subculture from the 60s and 70s and that it was based upon music, not ideology, with their preferred style being reggae, ska and soul.

But, you know who didn’t do ANY research on skinheads?  Writer/director Greydon Clark, responsible for 1970s exploitation classics such as The Bad Bunch,  Black Shampoo and Satan’s Cheerleaders, is clearly NOT trying to make a social statement with this film, in spite the “serious” looking video box art, which got me interested in this movie in the first place!  This could easily have been a 60s/70s biker film, only that the nogoodniks in Skinheads actually believe in the swastikas they wear, rather than just using them as shocking regalia.  At least, as far as I know, none of the biker gangs from the 60s/70s believed in the Third Reich, but I could be mistaken.

I’m getting ahead of myself.  I don’t think Skinheads (a.k.a. Skinheads: The Second Coming of Hate) actually made it to theaters, which is a sad reflection of how home video killed the grind house and drive-in markets, nor has it been released on DVD.  I had to pull out the old VHS player to give this one a whirl.  And, BOY was it worth it!

The general story is that a group of neo-Nazi skinheads terrorize a small community in the San Francisco area.  After witnessing a fight, which leads to a shootout, the film’s protagonists escape into a secluded wooded area, and the skinheads go after them to try to kill them.  Never once do we see the cops because, I guess they were busy doing something else at the time.  Wait, no.  The skinheads cut a couple of phone lines, so nobody could call the cops and this is before everyone had a cell phone.

The group of skinheads consists of a crazy leader named Damon (Brian Bophy who I guess was in Star Trek: The Next Generation), an overweight, bumbling buffoon named Brains (the enormous Dennis Ott), a few lackeys and a skinhead girl named Liz (Lynna Hopwood), who is just as vicious as the guys.  They also inconspicuously drive around in a van with a swastika painted on the side.

The skinheads harass,fight and kill lots of people before the plot really takes off.  The main story involves the good guy Jeff (Jason Culp), the good girl Amy (Liz Segal of Howard the Duck and Double Trouble fame) and the old, all-American hero Mr. Huston (Chuck Connors from Airplane II and something else I forgot) defending their lives against the skinheads.

What’s there to say?  Skinheads is a whole heck of a lot of fun and really violent; a throat gets slashed, people get shot, someone gets cruficied and eaten by a bear, someone gets raped.  If you’re looking for a precursor to Romper Stomper or American History X, look elsewhere.  Skinheads is “straight from the headlines” exploitation and nothing more.  It’s so fun in fact, that my friend Josh wants to watch it practically every time we hang out.  We’ve watched it so many times, that we wore through the tape; which reminds me, I have to get myself another copy!

While most of the acting is pretty stock and intended just to get your through the plot, of which there are a few holes, as is par for the course, Chuck Connors and Brian Bophy own the show.  Spoiler alert: is it meant to be situational irony that the Connors character never finds out that his wife has been killed prior to the protagonists coming to his cabin?  Connors’ Heston-esque tough guy with a heart of gold is extremely hammy, yet it’s still touching hearing the WWII vet say, “there’s always another hate preaching bastard that needs to be stamped out!”.  Brian Bophy, on the other hand, makes Nick Cage look like he uses restraint.

The soundtrack was done by the Detroit based Elvis Hitler, which is interesting because Elvis Hitler is rockabilly band, yet the music they play in the movie sounds like Motorhead.  Oh, and if you’re an Easter egg hunter, check out the S.O.D. poster in the skinheads’ hideout.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

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It’s been a month or so since I’ve seen a Hammer horror film.  Unfortunately Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter wasn’t the movie to bring me back into Hammer’s world.  There’s nothing particularly wrong with the film other than it’s just kind of dull.  The poster promises more than it delivers.  Don’t get me wrong; what you see in the poster is pretty much what happens in the movie but there just isn’t enough of it.

Apparently Brian Clemens’ only directorial effort was supposed to be the start of a series of Captain Kronos films and a story was later adapted into a comic book.  Maybe Hammer should have gotten a more seasoned director like Roy Ward Baker or Terence Fisher.  The movie goes against the typical vampire mythos by having them kill during the day rather than at night.  Also they don’t suck blood and create other vampires by doing so; they suck out the youth from young men and women and turn them old and dead.  The effect actually makes them look like Steven Tyler.

I guess my main problem with this movie is I kept wondering, “Where is Captain Kronos during all of this?  How is this alleged vampire hunter letting so many innocent souls get sucked away?”  Kronos is played by German actor Horst Jansen and is assisted by the hunchbacked doctor Dr. Marcus (John Carsen).  They traverse the countryside supposedly hunting vampires by burying toads in the ground and seeing if they’re alive or dead and if alive, oh who cares?

Kronos frees a cute little lady named Carla (Caroline Munroe) from a wooden rack but who is she?  What did she do?  The only background we are given about her character is that she was being punished for dancing on Sunday.  That’s it.  That’s her entire background.  I really hope Brian Clemens didn’t think, “well, she’s a woman!  What else do you need to know about her?”  Actually he might have been thinking that otherwise why else would her only purpose in the movie be to shack up with Kronos twice.  And she acts as vampire bate, whoopdy do!  I was about to blame Caroline Munroe for being so emotionless and useless but then I realized she didn’t write the character; she was just doing what the director told her to do!

The movie is heavily bogged down with useless subplot; three asshole swordsmen harass people at a local pub and, in one scene, the doctor expresses his gratitude for having such a great friend.  The doctor asks Kronos and Carla, “am I that ugly?”  Carla responds, “you have a kind soul, that’s what’s important.”  Uh, gee thanks…

There’s some blood and way neat looking castle set pieces so I enjoyed *looking* at stuff but as far as entertainment goes, I kept thinking, “can we please pick up the pace, here?”  And, to be perfectly honest, the actor who played Kronos wasn’t exactly a virtuoso either; he basically just held the same smart-ass, “ha! I kill vampires and sleep with hot women” expression the whole time.  So  you know, watch at your own risk, I guess.

Night of the Ghouls (1959)

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Now this is what I’m talking about.  Why is Night of the Ghouls “undoubtedly” the worst film ever made?  In terms of technical skill it had no egregious continuity errors, non-matching night/day shots or wobbling tomb stones and the actors do reasonably good jobs within the context of the kind of movie they are in.  Night of the Ghouls has its problems and it’s certainly a bit more odd than a lot of the films from the era but Edward D. Wood, Jr. is still no worse than a lot of the other “bad movie” directors.

I guess the biggest “red herring” in Night of the Ghouls is the hilariously pointless detour to the shots of the teens hanging out and fighting; for a moment I thought it was going to turn into one of those “teenage monster” movies.  But nope, Wood never revisits the juvenile delinquency theme.  Instead the film turns into an enjoyable ghost movie involving a medium, a goofy cop, a cute as hell assistant, some police procedure, some shoot ’em up action, a neat twist ending and Tor Johnson wearing effectively grotesque horror make up.

Oh, one other thing; Criswel.  What’s cool is that while Criswel introduces the story by breaking the fourth wall from his coffin and becomes the narrator and later plays a role within the narrative, as if he’s telling you the story in flashback.  The story starts when a hysterical (both definitions of the word) old couple comes into a police station to report the siting of a ghost; this part gets confusing because apparently they saw the White Ghost (Valda Hansen) who didn’t exist in the main body of the story so clearly this is in flashback.  Also a teenage couple gets killed by the Black Ghost (Jeannie Stevens), who roams the graveyard at night.  Police Lieutenant Daniel Bradford (Duke Moore) goes to investigate and ends up at, what I guess is the same building that functioned as the laboratory in Wood’s previous film Bride of the Monster.

Thus Night of the Ghouls is sort of a sequel or continuation.  The building is now a creepy house where Dr. Acula (Kene Duncan) is a medium who is assisted by “The White Ghost” who I never heard addressed by any other name.  They hold a creepy seance where they have skeletons sitting in chairs and things float in the air and a corpse that speaks to the living; it’s actually pretty cool.  Most of the rest involves searching through corridors and investigating weird stuff.

But I’ll tell you this and it’s very important: if you watch this movie thinking, “haha, oh Ed Wood, haha” then you can easily write it off as a joke but if you suspend your disbelief and actively watch it like you would anything else, it’s got some neat twists which I’m not going to spoil!  Wood pulls off a creepy trick during one of the investigative sequences where the detective looks into a closet and sees a manikin, looks away then looks back and the thing is smiling at him!  It’s actually pulled off really well!

Do you want me to find problems with Night of the Ghouls?  Okay, fine.  Aside from the aforementioned pointless juvenile delinquent sequence, there’s an extremely annoying cop named Kelton (Paul Marco) who I guess is supposed to be funny when he acts like a buffoon the entire time.  Also that hysterical old couple are obviously not “trained” actors.  But who cares?  That’s all nitpicking nonsense!  Night of the Ghouls is pretty good so don’t be a hater and check it out.

The Girl Who Returned (1969)

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Do not take the score of 3 out of 4 as some sort of recommendation.  If you are not up to watching a slow, grainy 16mm film which was made for $2000, The Girl Who Returned  can seem interminable in spite of its 62 minute running time.  This is Lloyd Kaufman’s debut feature film but if you were expecting a precursor to Troma, you’re out of luck.  Actually I take that back; even in a nudity free, oddball student film, Kaufman still managed to squeeze in some sex.

But let’s start from the beginning.  I became a huge Troma fan around 1999 when I was an obnoxious teenager and, as I was engorging the standards like The Toxic Avenger and Tromeo and Juliet – and basically anything that was gory, horrific and exploitative – I never in my life imagined I’d get to see this film.  I thought it would be a forgotten relic, only mentioned as a learning experience in Lloyd Kaufman’s autobiography.  So thank you Youtube for existing.  It is fascinating to see this time capsule film; a grainy window into college life circa 1968.  That’s not what the film is about mind you, but, in some ways it can seem like a glorified home movie.  I know that’s an insulting statement so let me get to the review before I dig myself a bigger hole.

The Girl Who Returned begins with a group of college girls doing calisthenics on a football field while a male announcer informs the watcher that the Olympic games between Luxemburg and Mongolia will soon commence.  This is apparently code for the females and the males.  The two conflicting states hold Olympic games every four years to determine who is better.  The rest of the narration is taken up by a female and the actual plot concerns Lucy (Gretchen Herman) being trained by her coach, Geneva (Beverly Galley) to become the best runner or something.  Not very much happens until Lucy breaks free and goes to “Mongolia” in hopes of restoring a “golden age” between the two states.  When she meets some “Mongolians”, they mock her.  That is until she encounters a friendly one – a nice guy – and the two walk around, hold hands and eventually sleep together.  Don’t get any ideas!  The sex is presented tastefully.

Back in Luxemburg the Olympic games take place and well, I guess I shouldn’t spoil the whole film.  But basically there is some sort of vague message being sent about how the supposed “golden age” is as much of a chance occurrence as a one time pickup.  The point is that Kaufman pulls together some neat tricks in order to make you feel like you’re watching a narrative and not just a goofy collection of shots.  Indeed some scenes seem painfully long and if there wasn’t a narrator to string the plot together, it would make no sense.  Well, I don’t know…. maybe I should test that theory and watch it without the narrator.

The acting is about what you’d expect from a silent student film.  The actions are exaggerated but it’s not to the point of annoyance.  There also seem to be some lesbian overtones between Lucy and Geneva or maybe my perverted mind imagined that.  I dunno.  It’s a neat idea if not the most actively entertaining film in world.

Also, in true Tromatic sense, Kaufman’s artistic aspirations were a bit too ambitious; he attempted to make the film equivalent of John Cage’s use of silence by putting black screens between various shots which resulted in the film’s watchers complaining that the projector was malfunctioning.

Panic in Year Zero (1962)

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I was debating between 3 and 4 but, you know me; even the slightest hint of sentimentality or people being decent to each other and down goes the grade.  I’m being slightly facetious here.  I like nice people who don’t hurt others; I just don’t like when films tell me to be a good person.

With that said Panic in Year Zero is a very entertaining “self preservationist”, end of the world movie.  The obvious influence is Roger Corman’s 1956 film The Day the World Ended but clearly the post-apocalyptic theme is pretty common in science fiction these days.Back then, however, with atomic fear right around the corner, the film was also very topical.

Also, it should be known, that I love cold war cinema a lot!  A lot lot!  I love watching Commies invade the U.S. and watch people fighting back.  And I know, it’s not politically correct to say this but I love anti-Commie propaganda.  I don’t believe it, mind you.  I just enjoy watching Jack Webb telling you how to spot a Commie.  But I especially love atomic bomb mushroom clouds that result in gross mutations.

Panic in the Year Zero is a very entertaining movie from actor turned director Ray Milland.  Ray Milland is great!  He’s hammy as all hell and old fashioned but so much fun!  How fun you ask?  Look at his IMDB photo!
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The story begins when a fishing trip is cut short by several hydrogen bomb blasts that set L.A. ablaze and set the L.A. area’s population into panic.  Thinking on his feet Harry Baldwind (Millan) leads his family, consisting of Rick (Frankie Avalon) the son, Ann (Jean Hagen) the wife and Karen (Mary Mitchell) the daughter, to a cave hideout in some far away town, where they fend for their lives.

On their way they pick up supplies and fight with people. Among those who they fight are various local folks who are also fending for themselves and a trio of juvenile delinquents turned homicidal maniacs and rapists.  Basically the film’s premise exists on the fact that in situations such as these, we are forced to fend for ourselves and not care for others.  The film’s entire moral crux is displayed in this exchange, following Rick’s almost nailing one of the delinquents, Carl (Richard Bakalyan, who plays in The Delinquents if you can believe that!) and then says, “but Dad, I could have blown his head off!”  In response Harry says, “you’re not supposed to like killing people!  You’re just supposed to do it for self defense!”  Right on, pops!

Indeed the majority of the of the good stuff is given to Milland and Avalon.  Unfortunately the female characters are entirely one-dimensional.  Ann, the wife/mom is constantly trying to derail their progress under the notion that you’re supposed to be kind to people always.  This got REALLY frustrating!  The reason Avalon missed one of the thugs with his shotgun blast is because his mom pushed his gun away!  I was ready to reach into the screen and strangle her!  What are you thinking, lady?  Are you TRYING to get your family killed?  The daughter on the other hand just functioned as scenery; her only purpose was to be raped by one of the thugs only to be avenged later.  I suppose that would count as a spoiler.

Fortunately the wimpy female is balanced by a strong female character who can shoot guns, whew!  Milland might almost have been branded a sexist!  Her name is Marilyn and she’s played by Joan Freeman if you must know.  And that about covers it.

Young and Dangerous (1957)

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Don’t you love the poster for this movie?  It’s similar to the one for The Explosive Generation.  You’ve got a male character who looks as though he’s trying to force his will onto a female and then you’ve got some extra pictures of teens fighting, another male forcing his will upon a female and what looks like teens hanging out or something.  Once again the film’s title and poster are a complete lie.  Young and Dangerous is another melodramatic soap opera where the teens are nice people who are slightly misled and just need some guidance.

It had such potential too!  The movie begins with a “rumble” sequence in which a jealous ex starts a fight with the film’s main character over a girl before the cops break it up, leaving you with such hope… but alas, the movie very quickly degenerates into long, boring scenes of parents talking to teens, teens talking to teens and parents talking to parents; in groups, one on one, over the phone, just talk, talk, talk.  About what?  Well, apparently the film’s main character, Tommy Price (the incredibly good looking Mark Damon who was in Corman’s The Young Racers among many others) is a “bad kid” with no direction in life and a “reputation.”

When there aren’t scenes of people talking there are romantic montages and two goons trying to pick up ladies who hopefully aren’t “dogs.”  But let me start from the beginning. After the “rumble” sequence Tommy Price makes a bet with his two buddies Rock (William Stevens) and Stretch (Jared Barclay who resembles a young Dennis Hopper, but taller) that he can get with Rosemary (Lili Gentle).  Price takes her out in his car, makes a move on her, she jumps out and then, for no reason at all, a cop sees them and takes them in even though they didn’t commit any discernible crime.

After the “traumatic” questioning in the police station, Rosemary’s parents make it clear that she is not to see “that boy, Tommy.”  Henceforth she violates this, they start falling in love, he starts realizing there is more to life than “jazz, women and cars” and then he gets in another fight with the bad guys from the film’s opening.  The fight sequences is about the only other redeeming part of the film.  It’s actually pretty bloody!  Though it is amusing that Rosemary’s jealous ex and his boys look about 40 but, suspension of disbelief, I guess.

I love juvenile delinquent films; some of my faves include Robert Alman’s The Delinquents and Roger Corman’s Teenage Doll.  I’m sure I can name a dozen more.  But so many of them seem to shirk on the good stuff in hopes of “sending a message.” Chances are pretty strong though that I’ll continue to watch these and be fooled.  Next up: High School Hellcats!