Eleven days ago, on Tuesday, November 8, 2016, David Cole, Ann Sterzinger and I sat down for five and a half straight (or gay, depending on who you ask) hours to document not only how David would end up losing $30 to me in a bet to see who would become the 45th President of the United States, not only to witness my losing quite a bit of sleep because butthurt Democrats refused to accept the results of the election until the 11th hour, not only to piss off Kenneth McNab by jokingly telling him to tell his loser Democrats to pack it in because I have to get up early for work, but to watch the leftist media DIE.
Having convinced themselves for several decades that the right is just one big, dumb, white man who is part racist redneck and part nutjob conspiracy theorist, the leftist taste makers, who reside primarily within the big coastal cities, insulated themselves in such a bubble of snark, that, when the results came in on that fateful Tuesday night, they received such a rude awakening, that ten days later they haven’t recovered from it.
TV pundits like Rachel Maddow, internet pundits like Laci Green and the godawful people at The Young Turks tried to keep their cool on camera while simultaneously proclaiming, “this is not a hoax/dream/whatever… Donald Trump has been elected President.” Meanwhile, those with quite a bit less dignity took to the streets, and all of their actions have been documented in a number of youtube videos that portray grown adults pouting, crying and screaming as if someone in their immediate family had just died. Journalists at Salon, Slate, Huffington Post and even the New Yorker are penning article after article about what went wrong.
So, what went wrong? In their eyes, an evil cloud of hate hath descended upon the the United States, causing straight, white men to use legal means to assault the rights of anyone who is not straight, white and male. In their eyes, the 2016 Presidential election was not just a battle between two candidates with different policies, but quite literally a battle between good and evil; and evil has triumphed.
This view is fundamentally absurd to anyone who hasn’t completely shut his/her/its brain off. Even on the basic, leftist principle of pacifism, Donald Trump clearly has the better foreign policy; that is don’t fuck with other countries. Clinton wanted to overthrow the Assad regime and agitate relations with Russia. What for? Yet, the same exact people who bitched about George W. Bush’s 2003 Iraq campaign saw no contradiction in supporting a candidate who wanted to do nearly the exact same thing. Did not the fact that the Bushes now support Clinton raise any red flags?
That’s all besides the point. The main point is that, after spending decades lampooning right wingers – let’s say it began with Archie Bunker – the tide has turned. The leftists used to be the snarky, sarcastic ones, but who do you find more hilarious; a coal miner trying to feed his family or an adult male, who is now balling his eyes out and playing with Playdoh at his university because he can’t cope with his candidate losing? Even Jon Stewart had to realize that he fucked up.
With that all said, Ann and I spend our podcast making a bunch of tasteless jokes, throw in some lucid insight somewhere. Unfortunately David couldn’t make it this time, but, don’t you fret! If you only tune into our podcast to hear David’s weird and creepy voice tell stories about his old Holocaust revisionist buddies or tell old timey jokes about rock bands, then, hold onto your bowels for TWO MORE DAYS!!!
This episode’s featured band on The Sounds of Marshabaloosh is Bone Hawk, a heavy rock band from Kalamazoo, MI. If you’re into Black Sabbath and other heavy 70s rock, this will be right in your ballpark. Check out their excellent album Albino Rhino at https://bonehawk.bandcamp.com/album/albino-rhino-2.
The song at the end is “The Diet Has Failed” by Yesticles, and the brilliant art was done by Clayton V.