I’m not racist. No seriously. When I’m driving, and I get cut off, the first thing I say is, “you fucking asshole, arrghgh, I hope you get colon, lung and skin cancer!!!”. Then, when I see who the driver is, and he/she/it happens to be black, I go, “yeah, you’re STILL a fucking asshole!!!” What difference does it make to me what your race is if you cut me off? As far as I’m concerned, there are assholes in every croooww—-
Oh yeah, I’m an Alt-Righter… sort of. People on the Alt-Right will read this and say, “what a cuck, trying to appeal to blacks when he knows that blacks hate white people, and he’s a Jew, so he really has an ulterior agenda!” But the fact is that, in my 32 years of existence, not a single black person has made me feel the intense, virulent hatred that some white people have. Nope, not a single one. I’ve had my car stolen twice, and I’m going to assume it was by black people, and I think the people who did it are shit stains on society, and I would have loved to put a slug in their chests, but it wasn’t personal. They’re just lowlife pieces of human trash.
We’ve come to the point where people on the left are sooo fucking obsessed with race that, in spite the 1964 Civil Rights act, the 1973 affirmative action quotas, the fact that blacks can get into universities with lower SAT scores than whites and Asians and the fact that black crime is never reported by the mainstream media in an honest way, apparently, somewhere deep in the annals of American society lies the deep seeded cancer of racism that, no matter how many provisions are given, will never be expunged.
By most people’s standards, I’m white, and that means I’ve got some sort of “privilege.” Did I come from a nice, upper middle class background? Absolutely. Do I have more opportunities than people who come from the ghettos OR meth infested trailer parks? Well, duh. Do American employers consider me over Darnell-Tyrone Jackson III for a mediocre data entry position? Give me a FUCKING break.
Lauren Southern, the hot, Aryan commentator at Rebel Media posted “white racist bingo” on her FB wall, along with the comment, “:::shrug::: these all see reasonable to me.” Why? Because they ARE.
So now, white people of America, I shall absolve you of all your guilt by explaining each of the bingo squares for the purpose of turning “Casually Racist Whites Bingo” into “Normal Statements That Make Sense Bingo.”
“I’m not racist I’m 3.837% black”
Oh, this one’s tough. The idea is that, if you have some black blood in your genetic heritage, you have carte blanch to say all kinds of hateful things about blacks without reserve. You shouldn’t say hateful things about anybody, and neither should blacks. So why do they call each other the n-word all the time?
First of all, NOT all lives matter. Does the life of a child molester matter? What about the life of Charles Manson? Secondly the idea behind this hashtag is that, in response to #blacklivesmatter, a few well-meaning, but too old to “get it” conservatives responded by saying that we’re ALL in this rat race together. The #blacklivesmatter protesters responded by saying, “you’re just deflecting from the REAL problem, man! Blacks are getting killed in the streets by cops, and you don’t see it as a problem!” Well, it is a problem, and it could easily be solved; just stop committing crimes, and you won’t be hassled by the man, man! Okay, I get it. There are cops who like to fuck with people. But just look at the numbers. Cops kill more whites than they do blacks. When cops stopped patrolling in the Baltimore, the murder rate between the black gangs skyrocketed. Oh, and Milwaukee. So, to all the #blacklivesmatter activists out there: all lives do not matter, but you can sure try to help your community prove otherwise.
“brings up black on black crime”
I personally don’t care about black on black crime because I don’t live in areas where there is much of it, but maybe black people SHOULD, since little kids get caught in the crossfire, and y’all iz killing off your own people. Just a thought.
“white people were slaves, too!”
Well, they were. So, what makes blacks so special in this regard? The Japanese were tossed into internment during World War II and somehow survived the ordeal and now dominate the tech field, so what’s your problem?
“doesn’t ‘see race'”
Oh, I fucking see it! But, I’m not the one constantly reminding everyone about it 24 hours a day. ‘sides, how can I not see race when I have a hard-on for Asian women, specifically Korean women?
“i was bullied for being white”
Hmm, let’s see; we allow blacks to take isolated incidents and turn them into national stories, but white kids who live in black neighborhoods are supposed to be “understanding” of why they’re being put through their ordeal. Fortunately my parents moved out of the predominantly black Southfield, so I never experienced this.
Yeah, we took it down from every building, so racism is officially over, right? No, but seriously, it’s not a racist symbol; people just want to think of it that way, in spite it representing po’ white trash from the South, rather than the slave masters. But, in our politically correct climate, Dukes of Hazard was cancelled, and amazon.com won’t sell the flag anymore. And guess what; they’re STILL not happy. Some guy has now claimed that the “don’t tread on me” flag is racist. You know what’s not racist? The swastika. It’s an Indian peace symbol. We need to bring it back.
“quotes MLK out of context”
What context should I quote him in? I personally don’t remember a single line King has said other than “I have a dream”, so if I to quote that, I guess it would be out of context, since I don’t think King had a dream about hunting for gold during the gold rush only to have the western imagery fade away, and reveal itself to be a hologram created by a simulator machine. So, if he did have this dream, then I suppose I’m quoting him in context.
“slavery is over”
Well, it IS. So, what’s the problem? I get it; slavery is over, but apparently subtle forms of discrimination are still going on. And it won’t stop because we’re guilty… and our children are guilty… and our children’s children are guilty… and they always will be, so stop pretending, you racist.
“brings up affirmative action”
What? Just out of the blue? Like while we’re watching a football game? “Say, Chuck, have you heard about that affirmative action? I hear it’s the worst! I hope my children never come down with it!” Actually, it IS bad, and it’s the reason why standards have gone down. I mean, if people can’t pass certain exams, but you have to have quotas of those people in certain professions, then I guess you’ll just have to make the tests to get into those professions easier, won’t you? I mean, if we don’t have an equal distribution of a certain demographic, then clearly we’re discriminating against that demographic. Oh well, it’s not my house that’s burning down.
“has ‘dreadlocks’ or defends white dreads”
Good call; only gross, smelly people have dreadlocks.
The amount with which certain people want to live in certain parts of the country while other people pay for it.
“i’m not racist, i have black friends”
I’ve never understood why this was such an issue. If you ARE racist or hold some sort of grudge towards black people, why WOULD you have black friends? I can give a myriad of reasons, such as “access to crack or hookers”, but I’m not going to because no black person I know has access to those things. Well, my dreadlock wearing, Zeppelin loving friend Jeff is the guy I did blow with from time to time.
“you’re not helping your cause by being hostile”
I completely disagree with this one. It’s pretty much been determined that every problem ever has been solved through hostility. The worse the problem is, the more hostile you need to become. And drunk. That always helps.
“so black people can use the n-word but I can’t”
Which “n-word” are we talking about? Nerd? Nazi? Necropolis? Napoleon? Sheeyit, nigga, it’s not that I’m afraid of using it; it’s that I’m afraid of using it in front of people who will sock me in the mouth. Incidentally, I don’t know why blacks would want to use that word since it’s not even a real word, but a phonetic pronunciation of “nigger”, and I don’t know any blacks who go, “Hi, nigger, how are you?” If there are, let me know!
“i don’t have white privilege, i’m poor”
Dr. Dre, who is worth $500,000,000, is more downtrodden than a poor and starving white person. He just is; don’t ask why.
“invalidates POC anger”
Still can’t help but think POC stands for “piece of crap.” I SHOULDN’T think that, but I do. That’s why I just stick to the colloquial of “black.”
“oh but if there was a white history month it would be racist”
We’ll just honor the accomplishments of white people in other ways; ya know, by using all of the inventions they’ve given to society. Hey, I often don’t take credit for stuff I do either because, ya know.
“not ALL white people”
Not all white people what? Watch television? Listen to Metallica? Take black dicks up the ass?
Yeah, fuck ’em. They’re annoying. They’re the reason why college has been reduced to a joke and why every millennial crybaby, who claims to be part of an oppressed group, needs a “safe space.”
“we’re all one race the human race! uwu”
I SUPPOSE if it eats, breathes, shit, walks on two legs and stands upright it belongs to the human race, but this whole “one race” thing is defined rather loosely. I really wish I wasn’t part of the same race as, I dunno… you fill in someone who is totally lame, but make sure it isn’t a black person so nobody gets the wrong idea.
“white people are discriminated against, too”
Hey, I want to be part of the NBA, but my 5’7″ height prevents it. Do YOU want to watch basketball with 6′ high baskets? Didn’t think so.
“brings up discrimination against Irish people”
So, it’s not enough to mention that white people as a whole don’t deserve to have their history of discrimination recognized. Now you have to mention that the subjugation of a specific group of whites all of a sudden doesn’t count? Is that because of Ann Sterzinger’s shitty dating past? Well SORRY, but even she realizes that there are good Irish people. Or maybe she doesn’t. Goddamn potato scarfing, alcoholic bastards.
“learn to take a joke”
Okay, I get it; if you’re friend Clarissa runs to you after she had just been gang raped by a group of Chinese Jews (NOT by blacks, you racist!!!), and you say, “hey, Clarissa, did you hear the joke about the girl named Clarissa who was just gang raped by a group of Chinese Jews?!” and then follow that up with, “what? Learn to take a joke!”, you might be an asshole. But, in probably most other cases, especially those that aren’t grounded in anything personal, learn to take a joke, faggot.
Now go home and listen to Chuck Berry, Jimi Hendrix, Thin Lizzy, Living Colour, Body Count and Bad Brains at the same time while watching re-runs of Sanford & Son.