White, Male Privilege? Heck No! We’re ALL Oppressed! What’s Oppressing Me This Week

me_gun_rules_for_radicalsKilled a chance at a date with a mediocre, but passable looking girl when I was too honest about my views.  Oh well, who cares.  I got to jump out of a plane, so life isn’t all bad.  I mean, it’s still pretty bad, which is why I’m here to tell you for the second week in a row how I’M oppressed!  So, without further ado, here are 40 things that are oppressing me this week.

 

1. Lucy not having a beer with me and the boys this afternoon

2. The bartender at the Irish bar squeezing out a free Fireball out of me just by being cute and flirty

3. Not having my awesome post about Jello Biafra’s retarded “Nazi Trumps Fuck Off” song go viral

4. Losing a date because I was too honest about my political views.

5. Missing the Greg Gutfeld show again.

6. Back on Black’s reissue of In Search of Space by Hawkwind that doesn’t have the cut-outs and fold-outs of the original.

7. Jews who don’t support Donald Trump

8. People in general who don’t support Donald Trump
9. Not getting to witness firsthand the shit storm that went down when Milo Yianoppolous spoke at DePaul University.

10. Overpriced Nomeansno CD’s on amazon.com

11. Girls who go on dating sites just for the attention

12. The new Captain America story arc, where, all of a sudden, he’s been a Nazi all these years.

13. Realizing that democracy doesn’t work for up to 49% of the population

14. Realizing that, if I want a good looking girl, she’s probably not going to be a smart girl

15. Realizing that girls who think of themselves as “smart” are usually leftists

16. Needing to explicitly point out that I have a preference for women who were born women

17. Having to wait until Wednesday for the Aderall prescription to get filled

18. Mia Farrow haircuts

19. People who think I am somehow more privileged than a black man who has millions of dollars

20. Black people who have millions of dollars, but claim that they’re actually oppressed in any way

21. The fact that Christina Hoff Sommers refers to herself as a feminist

22. The fact that Boris Johnson’s real first name isn’t actually Boris

23. The fact that I could still be arrested for pretending to be a woman so I can gawk at naked women in the women’s locker room at Planet Fitness… but not for long!

24. Not being able to walk in my neighborhood at night because I might step in goose poop

25. Not seeing an all female remake of the original, 1975 Ghostbusters TV show, ya know, the one with the gorilla

26. When girls claim to be “sarcastic”

27. Post-metal

28. Fat girls who can’t deal with the real reason men don’t find them attractive (because they’re fat)

29. This goddamn humidity

30. Women who report cases of rape to the media, rather than the police

31. Wheelchair basketball

32. Pulling ages old gum off of “gross out” baseball stickers.
weird_baseball_cards

33. People who think it’s bigoted to be anti-Islam after watching Muslims blow people up

34. People who think gun violence is an epidemic anywhere other than inner city ghettos

35. People who think there’s a difference between calling someone “colored” and “a person of color”

36. Libertarians who get really excited about which candidate will represent them when it doesn’t actually matter

37. Hot girls who get away with saying dumb shit because they’re hot

38. Generic, “philosophical” memes from people you’re friendly with, but who aren’t smart enough to know that their musings are on the level of first graders

39. People who feel bad about dropping nukes on Japan during WWII

40. Needing to poop in the middle of good sex

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