Killed a chance at a date with a mediocre, but passable looking girl when I was too honest about my views. Oh well, who cares. I got to jump out of a plane, so life isn’t all bad. I mean, it’s still pretty bad, which is why I’m here to tell you for the second week in a row how I’M oppressed! So, without further ado, here are 40 things that are oppressing me this week.
1. Lucy not having a beer with me and the boys this afternoon
2. The bartender at the Irish bar squeezing out a free Fireball out of me just by being cute and flirty
3. Not having my awesome post about Jello Biafra’s retarded “Nazi Trumps Fuck Off” song go viral
4. Losing a date because I was too honest about my political views.
5. Missing the Greg Gutfeld show again.
6. Back on Black’s reissue of In Search of Space by Hawkwind that doesn’t have the cut-outs and fold-outs of the original.
7. Jews who don’t support Donald Trump
8. People in general who don’t support Donald Trump
9. Not getting to witness firsthand the shit storm that went down when Milo Yianoppolous spoke at DePaul University.
10. Overpriced Nomeansno CD’s on amazon.com
11. Girls who go on dating sites just for the attention
12. The new Captain America story arc, where, all of a sudden, he’s been a Nazi all these years.
13. Realizing that democracy doesn’t work for up to 49% of the population
14. Realizing that, if I want a good looking girl, she’s probably not going to be a smart girl
15. Realizing that girls who think of themselves as “smart” are usually leftists
16. Needing to explicitly point out that I have a preference for women who were born women
17. Having to wait until Wednesday for the Aderall prescription to get filled
18. Mia Farrow haircuts
19. People who think I am somehow more privileged than a black man who has millions of dollars
20. Black people who have millions of dollars, but claim that they’re actually oppressed in any way
21. The fact that Christina Hoff Sommers refers to herself as a feminist
22. The fact that Boris Johnson’s real first name isn’t actually Boris
23. The fact that I could still be arrested for pretending to be a woman so I can gawk at naked women in the women’s locker room at Planet Fitness… but not for long!
24. Not being able to walk in my neighborhood at night because I might step in goose poop
25. Not seeing an all female remake of the original, 1975 Ghostbusters TV show, ya know, the one with the gorilla
26. When girls claim to be “sarcastic”
28. Fat girls who can’t deal with the real reason men don’t find them attractive (because they’re fat)
29. This goddamn humidity
30. Women who report cases of rape to the media, rather than the police
31. Wheelchair basketball
32. Pulling ages old gum off of “gross out” baseball stickers.
33. People who think it’s bigoted to be anti-Islam after watching Muslims blow people up
34. People who think gun violence is an epidemic anywhere other than inner city ghettos
35. People who think there’s a difference between calling someone “colored” and “a person of color”
36. Libertarians who get really excited about which candidate will represent them when it doesn’t actually matter
37. Hot girls who get away with saying dumb shit because they’re hot
38. Generic, “philosophical” memes from people you’re friendly with, but who aren’t smart enough to know that their musings are on the level of first graders
39. People who feel bad about dropping nukes on Japan during WWII
40. Needing to poop in the middle of good sex