Jew to Jew: Edwin the Drunk Interviews Ben the Pious

ed_vs_ben

Note: This interview with Ben Shapiro actually took place and not a single word was edited out.

Edwin the Drunk: Hi Ben, welcome to Jew to Jew on SavageHippie TV, how’s it goin’, bud?

Ben the Pious: Oh, it’s great.  Pleasure to be here–

ETD: SORRY if I’m a bit wasted and tweaky, just popped an Aderall.  Ever done Aderall, Ben?

BTP: Heh, no, but I have been known to get a bit RANDY on Manishewitz on a Shabbos evening from time to time, heh heh.

(awkward silence)

ETD: So, how about them facts not caring about your feelings, eh?

BTP: Oh, yeah, I’m 100% fact, 0% feeling.  Fact ALL THE AWAY!  Not PC AT ALL!  ALL FACT, NO FEELING!

ETD: Well, that’s good know!  Word on the street is that you’re not too hip on Donald Trump.  Why’s that?

BTP: Man isn’t conservative, Ed.  He wants to take an EVEN stance on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.  CRAZY, I TELL YOU!

ETD: Uhhh…

BTP: CRAZY!  You know what he MEANS by “EVEN”, don’t you?

ETD: Buhh….

BTP: GOD, err, Hashem, err Moses…

ETD: Don’t take the lord’s name in veii–

BTP: IT MEANS GAS THE KIKES, ED!!!  GOD, AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO SEES THAT??!!

ETD: Mmm, that’s not exactly the impression I got from that… say, so we’re the same age, both part of the hooknose usury cabal…

BTP: Ed, that’s not funny.

ETD: Well, now you got me thinking, are you a Jew by blood or religion?  You said that being Jewish isn’t about remembering the Holocaust. Then what is it?

BTP: I’m religious, Ed.  DON’T YOU SEE MY YARMULKE?!  ON MY HEAD?!  (points to head) I’M AN ORTHODOX JEW, AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!

ETD: Oh, my bad… yeah, my folks came here from the Soviet Union back in ’74.  We’re not too religious though, but I’ve got that Ashkenazi blood–

BTP: ORTHODOX JEW!!! YARMULKE!!!

ETD: Right, got it… so like, Pam Geller supports Trump now–

BPT: I love that fine, 60 year old vixen, but she DOES NOT GET IT!!! “EVEN HANDED POLICY”?!

ETD: Don’t you think it’s good that Donald Trump doesn’t want to let 10,000 Syrians, or any Muslims into the country for that matter?  Last time I checked Muslims hate Jews and you would think–

BTP: Yahweh, Ed, don’t you know who Trump’s followers are?!

ETD: Well, I am and Pam Geller is–

BTP: Ugh, did you see the tweets that I got?!  LOOK AT THE F’N TWEETS I GOT, ED!!!

ETD: Oh yeah, that’s not very kind.  Well, ya know, trolls–

BTP: TROLLS?! MAYBE IF MILO WASN’T ALWAYS TAKING IT UP THE ASS, HE’D SEE THAT WE HAVE THE FUCKING FOURTH REICH ON OUR DOORSTEP!!!

ETD: I dunno, Ben.  I think you’re being a little dramatic–

BTP: Alternative Right are a bunch of neo-Nazi thugs, and I can’t believe that you don’t see how they’re trying to put me in an oven!

ETD: Uh, last time I checked Jared Taylor, Andy Nowicki and John Derbyshire don’t have too much of a problem with us yids.  Ya know, there was a time when I got Richard Spencer and Robert Spencer mixed up!  Can you believe that?  One guy looks like an ogre, and the other guy looks Carrey Grr–

BTP: YEAH!  That’s what they WANT you to think!  Have you talked to any of those creeps?!

ETD: Yeah, they’re not too bad, although Taki Theoshapalappadingdong or whatever the fuck his name is isn’t too fond of us.  I mean, I can’t say I blame him–

BTP: WHAT?!  What are you, a self hating Jew or something?!

ETD: Oh, no, but you gotta at least admit that some of “the tribe” were involved in the Frankfurt School, which is basically the reason we’re in this PC mess… I mean, facts don’t care about your feel–

BTP: It has NOTHING to do with being Jewish–

ETD: Well, I mean, the Mafia had nothing to do with being Sicilian, but they were still all–

BTP: Look, Ed, I didn’t come here to hear this antisemitic garbage.  If you wanna ask me a real question, then ask me a real fuschluggina question, or I’m gonna plotz!

ETD: All right, all right, what do you think of the new Schindler’s List Nintendo game?

BTP: What?!

ETD: Yeah, it’s kinda like how they adapted Platoon to Nintendo, ya know, action adventure shoot ’em up… it’s kinda like Mario Bros., but instead of Princess Toadstool, you save a girl in a red dress in every level.  Capcom put it out–

BTP: That’s f’n sick, man.  I’m gonna contact every news program I know and tell them about this tasteless and disgusting–

ETD: All right, you got me, I was kidding.

BTP: Man, Ed, you had me going for a minute.  You’re good, man.

ETD: Heh, so, what do you think of the Rugrats Hanukkah special?

BTP: Never heard of it; I used to watch TV, but then I realized it was a bunch of liberal propaganda.

ETD: Oh yeah, I read your book about that.  It was pretty good, except for all those faggy shows you talk about, except for Three’s Company.  John Ritter is THE MAN!!!

BTP: Ed, are you going to ask me a real question because I have Shabbos dinner in a couple hours, and I gotta get ready for that.

ETD:  So, what do you think about what David Cole said about you in his book?

BTP: DAVID COLE??!! THAT HOLOCAUST DENYING PIECE OF SLIME??!!  YEAH, HE CHANGED HIS NAME TO STEIN!!! ANYBODY WHO DENIES THE HOLOCAUST LIKE HIM DOESN’T DESERVE THE NAME STEIN!!!

ETD: Uh, well, he wasn’t really denying the Holocaust, I mean, he says it happened.  He just wanted to revise a few of the well-accepted elements of it, I mean, he says there were only four gas chambers instead of six–

BTP: OH, FOR THE LOVE YAHWEH, DON’T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THAT SELF-HATING, HOLOCAUST DENYING PIECE OF GARBAGE!!!

ETD: Uh, yeah, I think he’s pretty cool, I mean, I did find it funny when Pam Geller called him an asshat, something I wouldn’t expect a woman pushing 60 to say–

BTP: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THAT HOLOCAUST DENYING SLIME??!!

ETD: Uh, actually, I think he’s an Israel supporter, so–

BTP: LOOK, ED, DO YOU WANT ME TO WALK OFF THIS SHOW?!  I APPRECIATE THE BAGEL AND LOX BACKSTAGE, BUT I DID NOT COME HERE TO DISCUSS SELF HATING HOLOCAUST DENIERS.  I’M GLAD THAT RED HEAD RATTED ON HIM.  ALL HOLOCAUST DENYING SLIME SHOULD BE CENSORED AND OSTRACIZED.  I MEAN, YOU SAY YOU’RE JEWISH.  HOW COULD YOU SUPPORT SUCH SLIME?

ETD: Well, I mean, people say the Civil War was more about economics than slavery, and can you tell me how many people were killed in the Armenian genocide–

BTP: SIX MILLION JEWS, ED!!! SIX MILLION JEWS!!!

ETD: Well, other people were killed during the Holocaust, like gays and Gypsies-

BTP: SIX MILLION JEWS, ED!!!

ETD: Oh, right, my bad.

BTP: ISRAEL ISRAEL ISRAEL!!!

ETD: Uh, yeah, good place!  I went there on Birthright five years ago, rode a camel, hung out in Bedouin tent – but man, the girls were such skanks!  All going and cheating on their boyfriends.  I tell you, if my girlfriend said she was going on a trip overseas and didn’t have me come with her–

BTP: ISRAEL ISRAEL ISRAEL!!!

ETD: Uh, yeah, I like that place.  Ya know, someone at the Taki’s site got all Jew hatin’ on me and told me to get my ass packing out of the U.S. and go to Israel–

BTP: SEE?! A BUNCH OF F’N NEO-NAZIS!!!  I keep trying to tell Nero when he’s not getting plowed up the ass that first they came for–

ETD: Eh, I didn’t take it that personally.  I mean, at least he wasn’t telling me the place belongs to the Palestinians.  There are definitely worse places to be deported to.  I mean, they hold this awesome, annual metal festival, and Ross the Boss Friedman from the Dictators and Manowar always plays it.  Which one of Ross’ bands do you like more; Dictators or Manowar?

BTP: Heh, I dunno, Ed, I’m more of a Beatles/Rolling Stones kinda guy, ya know?  But, mainly I just listen Schlock Rock with my kids, if you know what I mean…

ETD: Er, nooope…

BTP: Were you Bar Mitzvahed, Ed?

ETD: Uh, yeah, it was pretty cool!  I was stoned outta my mind when I read the Torah, kinda like that kid in A Serious Man

BTP: Ugh, I HATE the Coen brothers.  Couple of self hating Jews!  They can’t even spell COHEN the right way.  Hey Joel and Ethan, it’s C-O-H-E-N… I swear to Yahweh… now, SPIELBERG is a director I can get behind!

ETD: Eh, I guess Jaws and Close Encounters were all right…

BTP: Schindler’s List is the GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.  It is the most honest and truthful portrayal of the Holocaust ever put to film.  I thought I was watching a documentary.

ETD: Uh, right… I thought the scene in Amistad where slaves revolt on the ship and kill all the people was pretty cool… so, what’s your favorite Mel Brooks film–

BTP: I don’t watch films by self-hating Jews.  THE INQUISITION IS NOTHING TO LAUGH AT!!! HOW DARE HE!!!  He might as well call himself Mel Gibson.

ETD: So, did you really think it was necessary to resign from Breitbart?

BTP: Ugghhh, Ed, I don’t want to go into it.  If you saw the video, I think it’s pretty darn clear that Michelle Fields was sexually assaulted and gang raped, and all Breitbart did was stand by and laugh at her.

ETD: Uh, didn’t the guy just nudge her aside because she was in his way?  I do that all the time when I go to a bar and it’s really crowd–

BTP: THEN YOU’RE A SEXUAL ASSAULT APOLOGIST!!!  Look, Ed, I gotta wrap this up.

ETD: Do you own a gun, Ben?

BTP: Yeah, certainly!  Pro 2nd amendment, baby!

ETD: Wanna go shooting some time?

BTP: Sure, but not on Shabbos!

ETD & BTP both break down laughing.

ETD: All right, cheers, brother.

BTP: Thanks, Ed!

 

 

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