An Open Letter to Bernie Supporters

bernie_pictureTo all my bearded, bespectacled, self-righteous, politically charged, but not actually politically knowledgeable, easily-triggered, history re-writing, safe space wanting, 99.99999999% Caucasian friends and to the couple of misinformed union members, who actually have jobs, Bernie ain’t gettin’ in.  That’s right, I’m sorry, but your pipe dreams of living in a Eurotopia, where the rich are taxed until they are no longer rich, where you get to live in a one room flat while working 20 hours a week and then get to spend the rest of your free time drinking craft beers, biking around and chasing after HPV afflicted hoes, just ain’t comin’ true; at least not in this election cycle.

You see, while you march around in your sandbox, playing your pan flute and thinking that, for some odd reason, Americans want half their paycheck taken from them and given to people who don’t work, the big boys are fighting to make sure Hillary Clinton doesn’t get into the White House.

And don’t get me wrong; I think Sanders supporters are some of the most fun and hilarious people in the world, especially when they cry foul that the blacks overwhelmingly supported Hillary Clinton instead of Sanders.  Not the Bloc Party singer, but like real blacks.  Sorry to all the white college students, whose pro-abortion, pro-feminist, pro-gay, pro-tranny views are in complete discord with the po’ black folk of Detroit, Baltimore and Chicago, but they just ain’t ready for the first Jewish president.

So, where do you go from here?  I would assume that, if Sanders, the Jewish mad scientist from Vermont (birth place of GG Allin!), doesn’t get in, you’re going to stay home and cry into your craft beer, right?  Because there’s no way you’d bite the bullet and vote for the lesser of two evils.  But, if you do decide to swallow your pride and go to the voting booth, I’ve got another suggestion…

To a man, I’m not fucking kidding, EVER SINGLE TIME I tell someone who wasn’t previously aware that I’m voting for the Donald, that person reacts as if his girlfriend just told him that she’s been knocked up.  I’m not exaggerating.  All three people I’ve told that I both voted for Donald in the primary and that I plan on voting for him if he gets the nomination react in such a harsh, disproportionate fashion, that you would think they just got a phone call telling them that their parents were killed in a car crash.

And the question I have for them is, “why?”  What do you have against Donald Trump?  I simply DO NOT get it.  You say you’re sick of the same ol’, same ol’ with politics.  You say you’re sick of the neoconservatives sending soldiers overseas to fight in the Middle East.  You say you’re sick of trade agreements which resulted in American jobs being sent overseas.  You say you’re sick of career politicians who are funded by corporations and lobbyists.  You say you’re sick of politicians who just sound like they’re reading off of cue cards.

Be honest: you don’t really know why Donald Trump gets under your skin, do you?  You say he’s racist.  Is that because he said he wants to ban all Muslims?  Well, Islam isn’t a race and, if you hold true to the so called liberal principles you hold dear, then it would stand to reason that Muslims are probably the last group of people you would want to import into the country if Sweden is any indication.

Or is it the fact that he called some ILLEGAL immigrants rapists and murderers?  I emphasized the word “some” and “illegal” just so you don’t get any funny ideas that Donald Trump is trying to ban Mexicans from the U.S., which is something he never said.  It’s not his fault that the illegal immigrants are coming over from Mexico instead of Poland or Slovenia.  Why do you want illegal immigrants in the United States in the first place?  To do the jobs that you don’t want to do?  Why don’t you want to do them?  Are those jobs beneath your dignity?  Are those jobs only good for Mexicans?  You sound kinda racist.  Diamond and Silk sure don’t think Donald Trump is a racist.

You want to end the trade agreements, but you want to keep the border open.  That doesn’t make any sense.  What’s the point of bringing back jobs to the states, only to have people from other countries work those jobs for less money?  You might as well have left those jobs overseas.

Or are you offended by what he said about abortions when he was put on the spot?  First he said he’d punish women for having them, then he said he wouldn’t punish women for having them, then he said he’d award women for having them, then he said — who cares what he said?  You know DAMN WELL that the Donald does not give a flying hoot about abortions.  Nor does he care about gay marriage, transgender bathroom issues or the legalization of marijuana.  Why do you want marijuana legalized anyway?  The government will just tax it and make it more expensive.  Just don’t be  a dipshit, and you won’t get caught using it.  Who actually gets caught doing drugs anyway?

You parrot the lines like “anyone but Trump”, but really?  Anyone?  You would rather have creepy Ted Cruz instead of a proud, alpha male, New Yorker like Trump?  You’d rather have  Clinton the sociopath, who blamed someone else when her terrible joke about “colored people time” belly flopped?  I certainly hope women/feminists aren’t going to vote for her just because she’s a woman; Lizzy Borden was also a woman, and so was Lorena Bobbitt.  Nah, I know you don’t like Clinton.  So who then?  John Kasich who talks like he’s had too much electroshock therapy?

This past weekend I helped my buddy move stuff out of a house in Lincoln Park, MI.  That’s part of the Metro Detroit area that is known as “down river.”  It’s where the icky white trash live in one story houses that are usually paid for by the government.  Those people are either unemployed or unemployable and are part of the downtrodden that Bernie Sanders is allegedly supposed to help.  Those people are also racist, sexist, anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage.  Do you honestly feel the welfare state that Bernie wants to build should be extended to them or do you think those poor white trash should wallow in all their black hating, gay hating, dirt poor misery?  Would you invite one over to join you to listen to the new Best Coast LP while you scarf down ramen noodles?

I don’t believe all you Sanders supporters want to help the real poor; you’re just bitter that your degree in feminist interpretive dance didn’t get you the six figure a year job that you thought it should, and now you gotta pay all that money back.  You don’t really want to help the coal miners; fuck them and their environment polluting profession.  Why can’t they be enlightened and take a gender studies program?  That way they’ll learn that all that “providing” they’re doing is just feeding into the capitalist patriarchy.  Bastards.

So, I know if this little letter or post or whatever gets read by the hipster wing of the Sanders constituency, it won’t make a dent in their thinking.  But, if you’re in the actually working, downtrodden, need to feed your family sect of the Bernie camp, remember, there is another guy who, at very least, shares some of the same views.  And, if that wall gets built and millions of illegal immigrants are shipped out, there will be quite a few less people to compete with for jobs.

But, what do I know?  According to this guy, DONALD TRUMP IS LITERALLY HITLER!!!

2 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Bernie Supporters

  1. Sanders is from Vermont, not New Hampshire and I’m not sure if mentioning, at least emphasizing, craft beer is wise since you often drink it, yourself.

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